Untying the Noose

May 4, 2023


A friend found himself in a jam recently

He needed to undergo trauma therapy so that he can heal from some traumatic stuff he had gone through

This friend asked another friend if he knew a therapist

Another friend found somebody who is a therapist

This other friend then calls the therapist and proceeds to tell the therapist things about the guy who needed the therapy

I mean? You don’t know someone or the issues the person battled to get to the spot he or she is in

You are not his close friend or family member

You are a friend of a friend

And you wanted to get your friend’s friend a therapist who will be well paid for his services

Isn’t it proper that you don’t put your mouth in the story so as not to color the therapist’s approach to his or her business with the fellow?

The therapist too didn’t bother telling the gossip that his or her words are not needed in the matter

Based on the “Whatever,” this person told the therapist, that therapist now said he or she needed to talk to the trauma victim, the friend, and another party that had no business in the matter

Some Nigerian professionals are just a joke

They don’t understand how to draw a line and act professionally

They start by naming themselves “Uncle This” or “Aunty That”, they act like all these local family heads that want to resolve domestic issues among their younger ones

It Is such a pity

When I heard the story, I called a Reverend whom I know to be a well-trained psychologist and asked him to recommend a proper Therapist that can help my friend

Within an hour, he got one- An American Therapist who has a practice in Nigeria

The session was expensive but it was booked and my friend had his first session today

When he was done, he looked at me and said, “I slept off in the middle of the therapy, I couldn’t believe it. As you know, I have been unable to sleep since I had that traumatic experience”

Of course, he didn’t tell me all the nitty-gritty gritty of the discussion, (Therapy is a confidential affair) however I felt the springs in his steps as he talked about the group therapy he would be attending online  tomorrow in order to get the boogeyman off his mind

I used to believe therapy was for the weak minded but I benefitted from it after having a head injury that almost took my life several months ago

The manner In which the injury happened and the character involved, created a huge psychological issue for me at the time

I felt my life was in danger and the perpetrator may finish the job if I lose my guard, so I became defensive in my approach to everything

If I heard a noise in the middle of the night, I will be startled out of sleep thinking someone wants to do me some harm

Whenever I traveled and was heading back home, I would become unnecessarily apprehensive.

I would stay in the car (In my car park at home) sometimes for several hours without coming down from the car because I was apprehensive

Then I met a therapist and after about 12 sessions, things were put back in the right perspective and concrete decisions were made

These decisions are today of great joy and benefit to me as an individual

Therapy helps when you notice you are suffering from emotional stress, abuse, trauma, intimacy-related issues, anger management, coping with life changes, depression, ADHD, mood disorders and so on

A professional Therapist will not turn your therapy session record into sermon material or decide to get into aspects of your life that is not his or her business

Imagine a divorcee going for therapy and the therapist saying he or she wants to see how to reconcile the client and his or her ex

That is not your job!

That is what some Nigerian therapists think they are called to do

The framework of every case is different and a professional must keep to the boundaries of this framework

Being Born again, tongue talking and full of the Holy Spirit does not mean you cannot take a therapy session if you need one

Life issues can sometimes be overwhelming

Sometimes if you don’t get help putting things in the right perspective, you will continue to have an inaccurate understanding of reality, and this will lead you to a wrong conclusion in every way

Talking to a friend, a mentor, a coach, a pastor, your parents, a brother, a sister, etcetera is a form of therapy too

Even though you didn’t pay for it, the listening ear and the wealth of knowledge brought to bear on the matter would help shape your opinion or perspective on things

Finally, if you want to help a friend facing a traumatic experience get better, you don’t need to be a tale bearer yammering about things you really don’t understand

Get him or her a good therapist and pray along

If you find yourself in the habit of talking ill about your friends, you should book a therapy session too.

You really need help.



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