January 30, 2021


PART 1: The Offence

She said:

The tortoise was once accused of being too slow
It replied, ‘I have no home to hurry to’
But she has a home and she was in a hurry
Her flight from Abuja to Lagos was delayed
4 hours till 9 pm
She sent him a Whatsapp message immediately

Her flight landed at 11 pm
Called his number, it was switched off
She took a cab
She got home, used her keys to let herself in
She checked the children’s room first
Her boys were asleep
She smiled

She got to her room
She saw him and a lady
On her bed
She stood there for a few minutes,
calmed herself
She went back to the sitting room and
laid down on the couch

She didn’t let her mind wander at all
She had always suspected that he was
She had convinced herself she knows
too much about the ways of men to be
Men are polygamous by nature
But on her matrimonial bed?

Morning came, they emerged from
the room
He came out first
He saw her and missed a step
She came out, dressed
She recognized the lady
She is one of the backing vocalists in
his music band
The lady didn’t miss a step
She just left

2) The Reaction

She wanted to avoid a fight
But her blood was boiling
The blatant desecration of her home,
her bed
The psychological effect it will have
on her boys
He watched her closely, expecting
thunder to strike
Her children rushed out of the room
‘Mummy’ ‘Mummy’ They chorused
She chose to spare them such a scene

He took it as a license, her silence
He assumed it was a tacit endorsement
Once she dropped his car in the lady’s
He said she needed to use it
She didn’t say a word
She delivered her baby, another boy
They christened the baby
He disappeared

3) Digging Deeper

He didn’t leave a note or a forwarding
His phone number was switched off
She had been abandoned in the fifth
year of her marriage
Abandoned with three children
She didn’t say a word
When people ask after him, she tells
them he has traveled
She was just numb

His mother came six months later
She told her everything
What! And you kept quiet! You this girl!!!!
His mother called the entire family
They searched
They found him, cohabiting with the
backing vocalist
Emissaries went after him, the church too
His dog refused to yield to the siren

4) The Hurt

That was when she began to cry
He had always been a cheat,
When they were friends he used to share
his escapades with her
She knows at least three of his babes
graced their wedding
But he had always come home to her
He had always come home

Friends came to her with suggestions
Let us destroy him totally
Let us arrest him
Let us report him to a sorcerer, let them
cast a spell on him
She ignored them all
Raising three children all by herself is hell
Rent, school fees, feeding, everything
But she braved it, fueled by a bitter heart

5) The Offender’s Excuse

He said:
Music is a strange beast
Sometimes it comes to you by itself
Sometimes someone brings music to you
My wife understands this
She is the source of so many of my
But then the music stopped coming
And i got bored of playing the same
old songs

When i was single, all i did was chase
the music
Ladies inspire me, so i chase the skirts
with the music
I rode the wave of my wife’s absence
Trying to feed off the pain of her absence
to write a song
My backing vocalist heard me struggling
She sat down and composed the song
with me
It was the music that led to what she saw

6) Guilty Conscience

Her silence drove me crazy
i could see in her eyes that she was
very angry
I felt she would need time to cool off
She didn’t cool off
She was angry everyday and she kept
I know one day she would boil over
and kill me!
So i ran
I ran to my backing vocalist

I thought she would initiate a sort of
Get to say her mind and relieve the
She didn’t
One month, two months, one year
My backing vocalist got pregnant
Everything got complicated
Why was she so stubborn?
I would have run home if she reached out
She didn’t

7) Coping with Complications

She said:
Things got very tough
i started having health challenges
It was as if the weight of the whole world
was on my shoulder
I was feeling physically weighed down
I went to the hospital, tests were done,
i was dying
I told a friend, she said ‘Call your
husband’s name out loud and shout I
forgive you’
Say it and mean it otherwise your
children will be motherless

8) Letting Go

I cried in agony, I wept bitterly
I hated him, i wished him all the evil
in the world
I would have done anything to see him
roast in hell
I called his name, I shouted ‘I forgive you’
I called the backing vocalist’s name, i
shouted ‘I forgive you’

That night I slept like a baby
My breathing became normal, my heart
I was discharged the next day
Help came from many unexpected quarters
Two weeks later, he came home

9) Entitled

He said:
MY backing vocalist suddenly didn’t want
to have a baby
Without asking for my permission she had
an abortion
An abortion!
I hated her for doing that, you know,
killing my baby
She said it was her decision, she is not
my wife
i said ‘That is true’, and walked away

When i got home she wasn’t at home
She came later in the day
She greeted me as if i was never away
It was as if she knew i would be there
My parents and her parents came around
I begged her
She cried
She forgave

10) Business as Usual

That night I gave her my HIV status result
I didn’t expect her to jump in bed with me
But i wanted her to know I am open to it
She didn’t say a word
Sunday came, I followed her to church
The choir sang, the melodies came

11) Jesus

It was sweet delirious music
It was absolutely divine, i didn’t hear a
word of the sermon
I turned and saw the source of the Music
Jesus! I exclaimed
That was all, i cried and cried
I have found the Music that can never fade

12) The Miracle After

Their Story
She: It was that moment in church that
God answered my prayers
He cried for hours even after service
He had encountered JESUS
I couldn’t wait for the children to sleep
that night
We made great music together
Nine months later, I gave birth to Obianuju,
our last child

Colossians 3:13 CEV
“Put up with each other, and forgive
anyone who does you wrong, just as
Christ has forgiven you.”

Forbearing one another, and forgiving
one another, if any man have a quarrel
against any: even as Christ forgave you,
so also do ye (Colossians 3:13).

A lady died of cancer because she wouldn’t
forgive her husband, who was living wild
and wouldn’t go to Church.
If he did go for a Sunday service, everyone
rejoiced and considered it a miracle.
She wouldn’t stop worrying over her
husband and holding grudges against him;
that was the reason for the cancer.
Now, she didn’t die of cancer because
cancer was a great enemy.
No, she died of cancer because she just
didn’t let the cancer go; the cancer was
the unforgiveness that she harboured in
her heart. Understand something about
forgiveness; it’s a tool; a marvellous tool
for your own happiness.
You don’t forgive others because they
were so wrong, and you were so right;
it’s got nothing to do with right and wrong.
Rather, it’s something you do for your own
happiness; it’s in your interest to bear no
grudge or be bitter against anyone.
I’m aware that we could sometimes be
badly hurt through the callous actions of
Nonetheless, holding on to the pain and
grudge of such experiences can only
wound your emotions further and cause
damage to your spiritual life.
To be unforgiving is to allow circumstances
rob you of your joy in life, but forgiveness
is a tool for happiness.
Never resent others for what they did to you;
learn to forgive.
Don’t even wait for them to apologise.
Let the love of God in your heart, not an
apology from those who wrong you, be
your inspiration for forgiving their faults.
Let God’s essence within you flow out
like a stream as you relate with others
in love.
Maintain a forgiving heart all the time and
you’ll live a happy and excited life and
continually enjoy the pleasantness in
other people.
Most unhappy people have something
in common: resentments they’re unwilling
to let go of.
The lady mentioned above was constantly
distressed by her husband’s wild lifestyle
and his refusal to go to church.
She held deep grudges against him for this,
and that became the root of the cancer
that ravaged her body and caused her
premature death.
She died of cancer simply because she
wouldn’t forgive her husband.
Though she wanted the best for her
husband, she went about it the wrong way.
People can sometimes feel badly hurt
because of the callous actions of others.
Nonetheless, holding on to the pain and
grudge of such experiences can only
wound your emotions further and cause
damage in your body, just like it did with
this lady.

You’re not supposed to resent others for
what they do to you. Learn to forgive
You don’t even have to wait for them to
Let God’s love that’s shed abroad in your
heart be the compelling force for forgiving
people’s faults, not necessarily their
Let God’s essence within you flow out
like a stream as you win others in love.
To be unforgiving is to allow circumstances
rob you of your joy in life.
Once you can maintain a forgiving heart,
you’ll not only live a happy and exciting
life, you’ll continually enjoy the
pleasantness in other people.

Then came Peter to him, and said,
Lord, how oft shall my brother sin
against me, and I forgive him?
till seven times? Jesus saith unto him,
I say not unto thee, Until seven times:
but, Until seventy times seven
(Matthew 18:21-22).
Forgiving others of their wrong isn’t
an option for a child of God.
If you ever have an issue with anyone,
whether your brothers and sisters in
the Lord, or with outsiders, don’t let it
go beyond that day.
The Bible says, “…Don’t let the sun
go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

But what if you forgive them and they
wrong you again the next day?
You’ll have to forgive again.
That’s what we read in our opening
scripture. Jesus said we’re to forgive
others “seventy times seven” times,
in response to Peter’s question.
That number symbolizes boundlessness.
And these things were written for our
learning, for our admonition.
In essence, Jesus was saying,
“Forgive, no matter how many times
someone offends you,” because you
have enough capacity to forgive.
If Christ Jesus forgave you, why should
there be anything too much for you to
forgive? The Bible says, “Put up with
each other, and forgive anyone who
does you wrong, just as Christ has
forgiven you” (Colossians 3:13 CEV).
Someone may say, “I’ll never forgive
so- and-so, because what he did
was so terrible”; no! Not when you’re
born again.
We have the nature of God to forgive.
This is why forgiveness is imperative;
it’s not a piece of advice.
You must always forgive, and quickly too.
Let God’s love in your heart flow
through you lavishly.

Forgive and forget is an oft-repeated
piece of advice with biblical origins.
Although it might seem trite, there’s
a reason this little phrase still gets
uttered so often.
There’s true wisdom in forgiving and
When someone really hurts you, you
may question whether you want to
forgive someone; it may, in fact, seem
utterly unnatural.
But there are many reasons why it’s
sometimes better to forgive and forget,
even if part of you doesn’t want to.
Here are just a few of them.

Forgiveness doesn’t condone their actions.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what
happened was OK, and it doesn’t mean
that person should still be welcome in
your life. (Your boundaries still matter,
and grudges can be part of forgiving.)
It means that you’ve made peace with
the pain, and you are ready to let it go.
“There was a reason you came together,
and there’s a reason you are moving apart,
acknowledge the good, the bad, and the
beautiful from your time together and
know that it all served an important
purpose in both of your lives.”

Forgiveness is not for other people.
Forgiveness is not something we do
for others⁠—it’s something we do for
Not forgiving someone is the equivalent
of staying trapped in a jail cell of
bitterness, serving time for someone
else’s crime. “It’s a mixture of anger,
depression, and blame. But most of all,
the opposite of forgiveness is stagnation,
It is getting mired in an emotional
place regarding a particular incident,
and it prohibits future growth and
discovery. …
There’s a common saying: Not forgiving
someone is like slowly poisoning yourself
and secretly hoping the other person dies.”
You make the choice to either dwell on
the pain caused by others, or you can
forgive and move on.

Forgiveness is a sign of strength.
The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
It takes a strong person to face pain
head-on, forgive, and release it.
“Your ability to forgive someone often
has little to do with that person or
what they did,”
Hallett says. “Merriam-Webster
defines forgiveness as ‘to cease to feel
resentment against an offender’ or ‘to
give up resentment of or claim to requital.’
It’s an internal state of being, and it’s not
dependent on anyone but you.
The only person in control of your
thoughts, feelings, and actions—and
the only one who can make a shift
occur—is you.”

We also deserve forgiveness.
Our inability to forgive others can
stem from an inability to forgive ourselves.
The lack of acceptance for others may
even fuel a lack of acceptance for ourselves.
Others deserve forgiveness, just like we do.

Forgiveness is healing.
“When we hold onto resentment,
grievance, shame, guilt, or pain from the
past, our entire body-mind suffers, ultimately
forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
We can benefit from forgiving even if the
person we forgive isn’t aware of our
feelings or is even no longer alive.”
To forgive someone is the highest, most
beautiful form of love.
You might just find that you get a sense
of peace and happiness in return.

The love of God is shed abroad in my
heart by the Holy Spirit; that love
mantles my heart and mind, causing me
to see others as God sees them.
There’s no one and there’s no wrong
I can’t forgive.
I have the capacity to absolve others
of their faults, and demonstrate the
God-nature in me; the nature of love,
through my words and actions, in
Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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