The Mesh

May 9, 2023


A young lady wrote to me recently about her heartbreak and how it had disturbed her so seriously that she could not focus at work or have a productive activity for several days

She said she had to reach out to her friends and her support system before she could put things into perspective and move on with her life

She recalled the relationship as being smooth without any issue; from the talking stage to meeting the parents’ stage

She said she found it shocking when she woke up one morning and discovered that her man was pulling the plug on the relationship based on some reasons which to her were more of a joke

According to her, the reasons he gave were more of excuses than tenable reasons

She believed he must have somehow discovered that he didn’t love her or desire to be married to her and then come up with whatever the excuse was to get rid of her

While she was happy he didn’t go ahead with the marriage out of “pity or keeping his word”, the heartbreak was a full package of tears, pain and sorrow

She said, “He came to me when I was not even looking to be in a relationship. The stages were smooth and in no time we met the parents

We picked a wedding date

Everything was set and then he said he had a dream and in the dream I was married to someone else while he waited at the aisle without his bride showing up

He said his dreams always come to pass

So he woke up and stopped calling right away

We didn’t even get a chance to discuss whatever it was that he dreamt about

He just pulled the plug on his end and left me holding the dead life machine!

He was cold and heartless

I mean, he stopped calling or picking up calls immediately

I began to panic

After several calls, he eventually sent me a message saying,  “I would not be going ahead with the relationship, I wish you well”

It took calls to his parents and some of his friends for me to get the full story about the dream and all

One minute we were making plans, the next I was weeping inconsolably

Love has shown me “shege” in this life, I don’t think I want to go through that again” She concluded

I told her we have all been there and we say the same thing only to fall in love again a few months down the line

I promised her she would heal and yes, that she will find love again at the right time.

It took her only four months

Another Prince charming arrived at her doorsteps, he said the right words, had the right mannerism, and engaged her on an intellectual level that she found acceptable

She wrote to me excitedly, “Brother Gbenga, I have found the One”

I believed her and wished her well

Then she surfaced at my office a few weeks later saying she wanted to break up with this guy

I asked her why

She said the guy was too agreeable and the relationship was not problematic enough

She said, “I feel he is always trying to please me

We have never had a disagreement and I know I am not perfect

If I step on his toes, he says sorry

If he steps on mine, he says sorry

He is an eager beaver, willing to do anything and everything for me but I am not feeling the relationship

I do not feel like I should feel in a relationship!

There is a way I am supposed to feel, I know that feeling but I cannot describe it

Brother Gbenga, I don’t feel it

This guy is so nice

I know it will break his heart and all but I don’t want to be with him anymore

He has done nothing wrong but I don’t want to waste

his time

I don’t love him and it will be wrong of me to lead him on


She had already prepared the breakfast

I reminded her of the incident that made her reach out to me

I said, “What will you tell him is the reason for you calling it off?”

She said “I will think of something”


She did

She told him that while she was praying, the Holy Spirit ministered to her that he was not the one

She apologized profusely for any hurt he might feel as a result of her decision and then she wished him well

Of course, the guy was devastated

It was the last thing he was expecting too

Love is such an unpredictable terrain to navigate

Sometimes you meet someone you want to be with but the person does not want to be with you

At other times, you meet someone who wants to be with you and you don’t want to be with the person

It is not one size fits all

It is important to be kind in our treatment of the ones we are serving breakfast

I know there is no good way to pull the plug, we must however try to be as gentle and caring as possible without making it seem as if we are not sure of our decision

There will be pain and there will be healing

We should however be able to see such a fellow in a few weeks or months after recovering from the pain and say hello to each other without any animosity whatsoever

Royalty must exude grace at every level




PS: Through the pain

You have a mediator

Talk to Him

Don’t let the pain define you

Learn from it

Be determined to take the lessons from the relationship and adapt it to make yourself better

Don’t say, “I will hurt another the way I was hurt”

This is not the way of grace

You are a joy giver, the dispenser of supernatural verities

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