Tempting Fate

May 6, 2023


A man of God I respect so much reached out to me
He said, “Can you please reach out to my son-in-law”
The boy is behaving like a rabid dog
He beats my daughter blue black every day
At one point, I had to arrest him
He wrote an undertaking never to beat my daughter again
People begged me and I allowed my daughter to return to his house when she was discharged from the hospital
Just last night, he punched her in the left eye so ferociously that the doctors are now saying they are not sure if she can ever regain the full use of that eye
Brother Gbenga, Pls help!
I said, “Yes sir”
I called the young man and asked him to please come and see me somewhere in Lagos
When he arrived we began to chat
He said the girl is spoilt, untrained, useless, senseless, and all sorts
I was careful to pay attention to the mannerism of this young man

He attended a Christian private University, and graduated with a third class but he was speaking like one of those motor-park touts
How did this kind of guy end up with that kind of girl?
I mean…
You know what I mean?
The lady was raised in wealth and class
The Holiday in Europe every summer lifestyle girl
The guy was the opposite
Raised by a father who made his money through land grabbing
His worldview and mentality are absolutely different from that of the babe
They belong in separate worlds
The guy kept swearing and boasting
Huffing and Puffing
I tried to reason with him, spoke to him in Yoruba language
Told him the implication of what he was doing and how the story would end
“If you kill her, you will end up in jail,” I said
“Is it animals they keep in jail? Are there no people there? If she dies and I go to jail I will still live my life”, He replied
So what are the issues again?
She does not know how to cook, clean, wash, show respect for my parents and family members, acts as if she is better than everybody, does not approve of my lifestyle choices, is proud, nags, complains all the time, sad all the time, does not kneel down properly, and talks back at me when I talk to her”
This he said among many other things
I told him she could not change
She was raised to fit into a particular sphere of society and those things he wanted were not programmed into her upbringing
He laughed and said, “Are you saying she is better than me? Because her father is a surgeon and her mother a lecturer?
Why didn’t they train her? Why didn’t they raise her to be a good wife?
I will not take it
It is better for her to learn now because if she does not, I will be forced to train

her myself

I said Okay
He left
I began to pray after he left
It is a pure case of putting a saltwater fish in a freshwater pond
The fish will die
I called the pastor and spoke candidly with him
I asked him why he allowed such a marriage
He said the girl got pregnant for this guy

when she was in her final year in the university
Then she insisted on marrying him despite all his pleas
He said he had to let her live with her choice
I totally understood him
I reached out to the young woman and we had a heart-to-heart talk
She said her father was very strict while raising them
They were allowed to watch only Mount Zion films and nothing else
She attended a girls-only school and her life was closely monitored at every level
She was the first of seven girls and this was how their father raised all of them
She said this guy was the first guy to say “Hello” to her when she was an undergraduate
She said he offered her freedom
She would tell her parents she was going to school and stay with him for weeks
He introduced her to another world, a world of no restrictions and absolute fun
All they did was have sex and flex

He had access to free money and so did she
Then she got pregnant (she believes he deliberately got her pregnant because they were about to graduate and he was afraid when she left him for NYSC she might meet someone else)
She said she didn’t know what to do other than go home and tell her parents
Then her father got angry and spoke harshly to her for disgracing the family name and embarrassing him
She said it was at that moment she decided it is better to marry the guy and leave home than explore other alternatives that would still keep her in close

proximity to her father
She said she knew her father would never stop insulting her or looking at her as a disappointment
So when she had to make her decision, she chose to marry the guy despite all his flaws rather than stay at home and live with shame and condemnation
Again, I got it
So I asked her what I could do to be of help
She said she didn’t want to be married to the guy again and she would like to keep her son
Her concern was that the son would be raised by his father to grow the same way he was raised and for her that would be an unpardonable sin

Plus, the boy is two years old, she wanted to raise and nurture him
I said, “Why have you not filed for divorce?”
She said, “His family is always in court on account of one fraudulent land sale or the other, they go with charms and other fetish things and I know they will do the same if I try. Even if I win the case, I may lose my life or lose my son”
I understood
I turned to the Lord in prayer
I invited the young man to my office a week later and we had a chat
I told him it was better to divorce this lady and move on with his life
He was shocked that I was so blunt

He asked me what would happen to his son
I told him to allow his wife to raise the boy
I advised him it was better to find a lady from his world who would understand him than remain married to one who lacks the ability to make him happy
He said he would think about it
When they discharged the lady from the hospital, she moved into a flat with her son
I made all the arrangements
I ensured that the young man did not know where she was living
I went to meet the man of God and we had a heart-to-heart talk
He is like a father to me and his children are my siblings
I explained to him what led to the lady’s choice and begged him to make amends with the other children
The Bible says Our children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be our peace
Our approach to parenting matters a lot
We should all be mindful of this
While we should guide and guard our children jealously as parents, being overprotective could damage them and cause them to make decisions that we will later regret
Be deliberate as a parent
Expose your children to the world and all its layers
Church is a great place for children to mix and grow but they cannot afford to be ignorant of the world out there
Jacob’s daughter fell into the same dilemma in Shechem
We must learn to balance everything
Solomon said the extreme of everything is bad
Let us learn!


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