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The Three Musketeers

January 14, 2024

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I sat for a while praying in the Holy Spirit while thinking of the best way to write this

This is because I had several cases relating to marriage in the last week and it was indeed a case of different strokes for different folks

A family where a man beats his wife, beats the children mercilessly if they do anything their mother tells them to do without his permission and yet he does not work or provide for the family

The wife had been taking care of all the bills since the beginning of the marriage

This man’s relatives are all like him

The men neither work nor provide for their families

They have children who are out of school for as long as three years in cases where their wife/wives did not pay the school feesf of the children (The man’s older brother’s wife divorced him for the same reason)

The one after that is separated from his wife for the same reason

So this woman couldn’t even report her husband to any of them or seek help from any of them

She said she left the marriage once and he forcefully took the children from her and she allowed him

A week went by and he called her

He couldn’t cope with feeding the children

He met with her and gave her the children

He was then ejected from their flat because he couldn’t pay rent

He called her and begged her when he was thrown on the street

Then she took him back

This was two years ago and now she found herself in the same situation again

She wouldn’t even dare take the children to any family event

For fear of how their father would beat them up if they dared follow her

I asked her what her plan was

She said their rent would expire in January

And she would leave the house and be sleeping in the office

She would pay the rent and children’s school fees so that he and the children could be in the house

While she would be sleeping in the office

I asked her why she thought this was the best solution

She said she wouldn’t buy food or give him money to provide food for the children

She wanted him to be under pressure to provide food for the children so that when the children were hungry and crying for food, he could learn how to be responsible

I usually would be measured in my words but I told her she was not thinking right

Her solution seemed weird in my opinion

Punish the children to make a point in training a 45-year-old man how to be responsible?

Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my assessment of her thinking process

If I was, I am sorry

I know marriage and all the bags of sentiment that goes with it

The other case is of a man whose wife is also the breadwinner

But in this case, it is the guy who is lamenting

The man came to me and said he wanted me to meet with his wife and have a word with her

I asked why

He said every time he finds a good job his wife would sabotage the opportunity to keep him jobless

I asked why

He said his wife is not domesticated

She is a career woman earning good money and she felt since she was making so much, he should be the house husband keeping the home and the children

He said every time he complained, she would call him an ingrate

Ask him if she was not providing everything he and the children needed and why he felt getting a job would help since the children were still young and needed attention

They have three children

The oldest is ten and the youngest is six

She told him to hold on until the six-year-old got into secondary school (Boarding school for the three children)

And then he could get a job

He says by then he would be 49 years old and wouldn’t stand a chance in the labour market

The third case is that of a lady whose husband has a job

She is also working

She earns a little and so does her husband

Their combined income is not enough to pay the school fees of one child and yet they have four children

They have other bills to pay ranging from rent to feeding the children

The husband has other bills to settle outside of the nuclear home which include the training of his younger ones and the welfare of his mother

He collects his money and pays these other bills first every month

His wife then helps with the bills for their nuclear family

The money doesn’t even last a week before they go hungry

He then sits on his hands and watches or prays for manna to fall from heaven or maybe through his wife’s legs

This usually leads to a fight

The wife would then nag him for not providing for the family

He would then claim the wife wanted him to neglect his mother and his younger ones

The wife would then tell him to get a better job that would enable him to care for both his nuclear and extended family

He would then blame Tinubu for the lack of a good job in Nigeria

The wife will then say, “You have been doing this since the days of Obasanjo when I started dating you and you will never change even if Jesus becomes the president of Nigeria”

He would then say, “You saw me like this when you chose to marry me”

The wife would then say, “I didn’t choose to marry you, you went to lobby my older sister who took you to my parents and then somehow they convinced me to marry you”

He would then say “Is that why you are sleeping around? Ashewo”

The wife would then say “Don’t talk to me like that in front of my children”

He will then say, “You are ashamed to tell your children the truth right? You know it is a shameful thing and yet you do it”

The wife will then start crying and then she will say “sob…sob…sob…I didn’t sleep around, the rent was due and they had thrown our things out, you begged me to consider you and the children and go beg your boss for a loan because he took a liking to me when I came to visit you in the office.

I went knowing what would most likely happen

The man gave me the money for the rent and you happily took the money and paid the rent so that we can have a roof over our head and now you call me ashewo in front of my children…sob, sob…sob”

He would then say “And you did it again, or are you claiming it was only that one time?”

And then the wife would say, “Sob, ahhhh, you this man, I did it again when the children’s school fees were due and again when you were dying and I needed to pay for your surgery, please fear God and stop doing this, please, sob…sob…sob…”

Then he would say “You did what you had always wanted to do, I didn’t force you to do anything, we wouldn’t have died in the street when we were thrown out of our former flat, and the children wouldn’t have died if they stayed out of school, maybe God would have even sent help in another way if you didn’t go opening your legs to that man every time we had a financial challenge”

She would then say “Haaaaa, wicked man, God will judge you”

He would then land her a slap, Twaiiiiiiiihhhhhhh!

She would then grab his shirt

He would then land her a headbutt Gbaaaaaaaaas!

She would then scratch his neck with her nails

He would then carry her up, show her to God and slam her on the ground like Undertaker Gbooaaaaaaaa!!!

The commentator will say “That’s a suplex and a close line plus a drop kick, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, ooohhhhhhhh”

She would then hold her head and begin to cry

The children will be in a corner watching the whole thing and crying

The oldest of them will say “Mummy, mummy, mummy, ah, ah, Daddy, Daddy, ah Jesus, ah, sob, sob, sob!”

He would then dress up and go out

With her nose bloodied and brain ringing, she will then call Brother Gbenga, like SuperTed

“Brother Gbenga, there is a problem in Kigali and Soweto”

I will now say my secret magic word and fly “Ghen Ghen Ghen” to the scene of the crime

I will now ask her what she wants to do

She will now say “I want to leave this marriage but this man loves his children and his children are close to him

Even though he does not provide for them or pay their fees, he is an emotional man and he gives the children emotional support which I am afraid they will miss if I leave this marriage.

My father is an Elder in the church and he will not allow me to get a divorce

I know my husband will never change, this is my cross

I will now ask, “What if he kills you one day, you can only take as many suplexes, close lines, body slams, and dropkicks with your small body, what if you die?”

She will now say “I will not die but live to declare the glory of God in the land of the living”

I will now say, “Amen” and pay for her hospital bills and give her money to feed her children and then fly back to my secret magic manger in Bethlehem to report the case to Jesus

In the three cases above, the ones I really cry for are the children

In the first family, the children will grow up to either see women as weaklings who should slave their lives away while the man bullies them or they become aggressive in their approach to solving issues in a relationship so that no man can do what their mother suffered through to them

In the second family, the children will most likely grow up resenting their father for being a weakling and their mother for being unavailable because of her career

The children will grow up with a skewed mindset about responsibility and the role they were meant to play in the family

In the third family, the children will grow up trying not to end up like their parents and they would then most likely end up just like them or choose to remain single and happy

Keeping a family together does not mean the children being produced are not damaged goods

Many families produce all sorts of broken and damaged children simply because the man and the woman stayed together when they ought to have gone their separate ways

The theory that only families that stay together produce children that will be faithful in marriage and productive to society is just a theory

If the family unit is not together the right way and instilling the right values, they become breeding grounds for relationship/marriage suicide bombers!

PS: On red flags, do you know all the people above saw red flags and yet they went ahead and married the person anyway

The first one said “I told him when we were dating that I knew he would be beating me after we got married based on how he acted towards me at the time and I still went on with the marriage. The other guy who wanted to marry me at the time had a poultry at the time but had not gained admission into the university. This was why I didn’t marry him. Now he is very successful, he even gives me eggs from his poultry to distribute as a side hustle

The second person said, ”When I went to visit my wife’s parents for the first time I saw the way her mother was treating her father. He was jobless and she was the one feeding him and ordering him around. I should have run but I didn’t!

The third person said, ”Brother Gbenga, I never liked him nor desired to marry him but my family put me under pressure and we got married and they are still the ones putting me under pressure to stay with him despite not lifting a finger to help me either financially or emotionally!”

What shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can stand against us?

It is well.

-GSW-

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