Russian Roulette

She couldn’t tell how she arrived at her current state in life

It was as if she slept in wealth and woke up in poverty

Like a gambler who got so deep into the vice that he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun in the name of playing Russian Roulette

She rode the wave of fame and fortune until she ran out of waves

Until she ran out of the ocean itself

Most of her age mates got off the fun wave at the right time

They had their fun as single ladies but knew when to call it quits

Her problem was not knowing when to get off the horse

She rode it until it practically died right under her

She rode time until she was out of time

Then it caught up with her

Waking up next to strange men, in strange rooms, surrounded by strangers

One of the men looked at her one day and said to her

What is a girl like you doing here, with this bunch?

You should be building a life for yourself, making a name

She didn’t know how to tell him

That she was bored and in need of some money

That some girl in the female hostel told her about an ushering gig

She did the gig and made some new friends

She and those new friends talked a bit on the bus on their way to the event

She didn’t know exactly what she said or led them to believe

The following weekend when they had an outing as escorts they invited her along

She found herself surrounded by men she only saw on TV and a lot of wealthy treats

It was not the kind of outing where you say no to whoever wanted you

If any of them as much as winked at you

You opened your legs and smile

She just knew that was what was required

She finally had her own Pandora’s box

A secret so bad she couldn’t even share it with herself

She avoided the drugs and the booze

It was the money that turned her on

She liked to be in a room full of powerful people

It gave her a thrill, a heady sensation

She was not in a steady relationship

She was an undergraduate

She felt she was free to do anything she wanted

But time kept count

The guys got out of the game set after set

The girls also got out of it one way or the other

She found herself in a limbo

A lifestyle she got into at 18 had not worn off at 40

There was nothing in front of her

No plans, no future, no man, nothing

Financially she was all set, she had savings and investments both in cash and in pieces of jewelry

The men she spent time with were generous

She didn’t have to spend to meet her needs

The life she knew and loved didn’t want her again

She who once was the queen of the belle began to get bounced at parties

She was simply too old and the fun guys had grown younger

It was a disaster

She found herself in a crisis of sort

What was she to do with her life?

She decided to join a church, embrace religion

It was the only way to get into a new social circle and make new friends

The only way to change your life, redefine and rebrand

If any man be in Christ, he or she is a new creature

Old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new

The church welcomed her with open arms

She found love and a temporary reprieve from her loneliness

She made new friends and found herself immersed in a new way of doing things

But what she really wanted was deeper than the fellowship a church had to offer

She had deep regrets about all the things she should have done while she was still “in town” which she failed to do

She could have married one of the stinkingly rich party boys that featured her and her friends in their extravagant parties

She could have become the mistress of one of them or even the baby mama of one of them

She had so many offers that could have settled her for life

She turned them all down

From high-ranking men in the military to business tycoons

Career politicians to white-collar career bosses

She hobnobbed with the crème de la crème

Her iron was hot but she failed to strike

That was her one regret and she was determined to correct it

She prayed and waited for someone who fitted into her dream to be brought to her by the Holy Spirit

She did everything that the pastor and other believers around her said to be done when you are trusting God for something

Days turned into many days until two years sped by

An old friend from Port Harcourt called her out of the blue around November of the third year after she joined the church

The friend told her a state was sponsoring ladies on pilgrimage to a “Holy land”

One of the rich guys the friend used to date had called her to find out if she was interested or to find him a beautiful lady who was

The friend asked her if she would like to travel to Mecca

She laughed it off at first

What would she want to do in Mecca when she was not a Muslim

The friend told her she would be going as a companion of wealth

A sort of escort but she will be well-paid and given royal treatment throughout the trip

She decided it might be fun

She packed her bag by herself and flew to Abuja to meet her customer

She liked him at first sight

He was married, a polygamist with three wives

He was not looking to marry a fourth wife

She was just to be his companion for the trip

She jumped on the plane

The trip was eventful

She adapted quickly to the dressing and mannerisms of the typical northern woman

From Saudi they went to Dubai and from Dubai they travelled to Jordan and then Egypt

He had business interests in many places

She didn’t mind at all

The longer they were together, the more her plan could come together

She got pregnant

It wasn’t her first

She had gone through abortions as part of the scars of the lifestyle she chose before trying to turn her life around

He didn’t want the baby

She insisted on keeping the baby

They returned to Nigeria a few weeks later

He dumped her in a hotel, acted as if he was just going to buy something, and disappeared

She called and texted and chatted and hoped

He had blocked her everywhere

She was supposed to be a professional escort

Pregnancy was a breach of contract

She returned to Lagos

To her old flat, to her old life, to the church

This time, with a baby on the way and no one to care for her

Her last roll of the dice had turned out to be a failed gamble

Again, the church embraced her and supported her as much as they could until she delivered and settled down as a single mother

Two years later, she got a suitor out of the blue

A young man who came from old money and had travelled abroad from the age of 15 and returned home to work in his father’s company

He was five years younger than her

He began calling and texting

It was a breath of fresh air

They went on dates and started planning about the future

He proposed after six months of their journey together

She said yes

He went home to share the news with his parents

His parents invited the pastor over to their house the following day

A discussion that lasted five minutes sealed her fate

What was said and who said what she did not know

He called her on the phone to call it off

He simply said that upon consultation with friends and family and after deep reflections, he deeply regretted telling her he would no longer be going forward with the wedding plans

She left the church immediately

Wrote the pastor and sent him a stinker

Wrote to many members of the church and met with others

Said so many unprintable things about the church

She claimed the church had not shown her the kind of selfless love that was preached on the altar

What does her past matter? How does her past matter?

Whatever they told him, how does it matter?

She has now come to Christ, she was one of them!

One month later, the young man sent her a mail

He said, “When I told my parents about us they were happy for me

They immediately sent for the pastor to discuss the wedding date and arrangements

The pastor said he was not convinced you were a believer

He said since you joined the church he had observed you from afar and it seems to him like you joined the church just to get a rich husband and then return to your old ways

He cited several examples of several things you had said or did among the brethren that convinced him you were like a wolf in sheep’s clothing

I defended you because I was so sure you were for real

Then he said I should break up with you as a test

If you acted as a believer would, he would accept you are for real but if you acted like an unbeliever I should accept you are not in Christ

This was why I sent you that message with my fingers crossed

I am uncrossing it now, I admit the pastor was right.”

PS: 1 John 2: 19 They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.

20 But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.[e] 21 I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth.

The true test of gold is through fire

The Kingdom of God and it’s righteousness was what Christ asked us to seek first, all other things were meant to be added

The pursuit of the other things while pretending to seek Christ has made a mess of the faith of many

Lock your eyes on Jesus, hold steadfastly to His gaze.

-GSW-