Ilumination

Identifying Insecurity

January 15, 2024

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He left his phone on the table in the room

 

A message came in

 

You picked up his phone and unlocked it

 

You begin to snoop around

 

Checking text messages and emails

 

Checking all the social media messages

 

Checking his archived messages and generally trying to find something, anything, that would show you an indication of unfaithfulness, lack of discretion, any form of conversation between him and his friends-whether male or female or colleagues or church members that you can hold on to as evidence of cheating

 

You don’t find any

 

Then you begin to search his messages for his conversation with members of his family that has to do with his decision-making within the family- private conversations that you have no business meddling in

 

Then you begin to pick up conversations he had with others regarding his business and movements,

 

His mother’s conversation with him about you or his siblings

 

About the children (either you have or you don’t)

 

Whatever!

 

You just went fishing, not knowing what you will catch

 

If you do this constantly or find yourself doing this from time to time

 

You are suffering from insecurity

 

If you find yourself eager to listen to conversations about the unfaithfulness of spouses, you find yourself drawn to blogs and chats and articles about unfaithful spouses and how to catch such

 

If you find yourself downloading apps to track your partner

 

If you find yourself eager to listen to gossip or talks about your partner that will prove to you that such is unfaithful or even lacking in discretion, you are suffering from deep-seated insecurity

 

If you find yourself cloning your spouse’s phone, setting up the WhatsApp of your spouse on your laptop to monitor conversations and chats he is having with people; You are suffering from insecurity

 

If you find yourself unable to stand your partner, or spouse being happy in the company of other people other than yourself, You find yourself gritting your teeth when his friends and relatives celebrate him and call him everything good

 

If you find yourself always trying to demean or dull his or her brightness by saying, “Why are they hyping him or her, he is not all that great”

 

You are insecure, my dear, he is greater than that

 

But you are feeling threatened by his greatness

 

And therefore you dim his light so that your myopic eyes can belittle him and cut him to the size you can deal with

 

You need help!

 

If you find yourself accusing your partner of all sorts of things without any evidence

 

You find yourself dreaming he or she is cheating and you didn’t make your accusation or fight in the dream, you carried it to the physical to make his life miserable under the guise of, “my dream always comes true”

 

You are a witch, dear, you need deliverance

 

Before you start flying into places where you will be feasting on the blood of babies

 

If you find yourself planning to leave your marriage, that thought is constant and consistent

 

You just don’t feel settled in your own home and you cannot say why

 

Your partner is always walking on eggshells in the house because every little thing you are threatening to pack your things and leave

 

This is the work “Gbedigbedi” spirit, my dear,

 

The spirit is a “wandering” spirit, the kind that Cain got after killing Abel

 

You need to talk to Jesus about that Spirit

 

And get cured of it by the Holy Spirit

 

If your partner’s continued success in business is giving you continuous heartache, you are of the school of thought that when the man or woman you are married to becomes rich, he or she will automatically start cheating and to prevent your partner from cheating you decided he or she should not succeed in life

 

Your name is Athaliah ma, you are the queen that slaughters destinies to fan the flame of your insecurity

 

You need to repent and not get married until you have had serious therapy

 

If you are already married. Please get help immediately!

 

If you are the kind of man who decided that your wife is too beautiful for you to cope with and therefore you get her pregnant every year

 

To keep your mind at rest in the marriage

 

Sir, you will answer for crimes against humanity in heaven, I am just giving you a heads up

 

If you are the kind of brother who will oppress your wife financially, and keep her in the house kike a slave while you spend your money on other things you consider important

 

You are not a husband sir, you are a slave owner

 

Adjust your status with immediate effect sir

 

God dislikes unjust weights

 

If you are the kind of guy that is intimidated by your wife’s success to the point where you feel emasculated by her simply because she is doing better than you

 

You need serious help, sir!

 

If you find yourself systematically isolating your spouse from all his or her support system

 

Simply because you cannot stand to see her thriving or listening to their opinion of you, it means you are a terrible person who does not want to see himself through the lens of others

 

A good person does not mind what people say about him

 

Good needs no human validation or defense

 

It defends itself!

 

You need to change

 

Insecurity involves feeling inadequate, due to a lack of self-confidence

 

It can cause you to doubt your abilities, instincts, and relationships, making it difficult for you to believe in yourself and trust others

 

Insecurity can be a painful and difficult emotion to experience

 

It can take a toll on your mental health as well as your relationships

 

Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

 

In romantic relationships, insecurity can drive you to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, which can include:

 

Incessantly checking up on your partner if you’re not with them to determine their whereabouts

 

Checking your partner’s phones, messages, emails and eavesdropping on their conversations

 

Not trusting your partner to stay faithful to you and constantly worrying that they’re cheating on you

 

Feeling jealous of all the other people in their life and resenting the other people they are close to

 

Trying to isolate your partner from reasonable support systems while eagerly listening to any form of gossip or lies about your partner and believing such

 

Not taking your partner at their word and wanting to verify everything they tell you

 

Feeling like your partner may break up with you at any time

 

Fishing for compliments and validation to try and feel more secure

 

People who have been in unhealthy relationships where their partner was untrustworthy or treated them poorly, might hold onto those emotions and carry them into their new relationships.

 

People who have experienced this often project their unresolved trauma or emotional baggage onto their new partner without adequate justification

 

People with low self-confidence may experience insecurity in their relationships because they may not believe they are worthy of the love or support of their partner.

 

Low self-confidence can often be traced back to experiences like being bullied, teased, or abused in childhood

 

These experiences can send the message that the person is not good enough, which can affect their confidence and take a toll on their relationships

 

People who have experienced chronic neglect or mistreatment tend to have insecurities in their relationships because they have had few occasions where their needs have been adequately met

 

When they do find fulfilling and healthy relationships, this might spark their fear of loss, because love was never guaranteed or freely given in the past

 

While many people experience some degree of social anxiety in situations like meetings, parties, dates, and large gatherings, some people have more severe forms that can affect their self-confidence in relationships

 

Social anxiety can cause you to be overly critical of yourself and make it difficult for you to trust your partner’s actions and intentions.

 

Fear of rejection can cause people to experience insecurity in a relationship

 

Having low self-confidence can make some people more sensitive to rejection

 

Even minor setbacks or perceived slights can trigger their worst fears and insecurities

 

Insecurity impacts your mental health because, at the core, you believe you are not worthy or deserving of love and care

 

This will affect your romantic relationships as well as your relationships with your friends, co-workers, children, and family members

 

Because you are constantly questioning your self-worth, you might accept poor or abusive treatment from others, which reinforces your belief that you are unworthy based on your relationships

 

Insecurity impacts your relationship by creating an imbalance

 

You become more preoccupied with what your partner is not providing and instead demand reassurance or validation for your insecurities

 

Ultimately, insecurity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy because your fear of losing your partner can cause you to behave defensively and drive them away

 

How to Reduce Insecurity in Relationships

 

Identify your triggers: Become more self-aware about situations that trigger your insecurity. Track topics or areas that prompt feelings of insecurity so you can begin to identify the problems you need to work on.

 

Communicate with your partner: Engage in more open communication about your insecurities, how they arise in your relationship, and ways you can begin to work on them.

 

Express how you feel without blaming your partner for it.

 

Listen to your partner: Make an effort to listen to your partner with an open mind, so you can understand their perspective as well.

 

Try journaling: It can be helpful to maintain a journal where you write down your thoughts when you feel insecure. The exercise can help you identify situations that trigger your insecurity. You could even undertake a couples journaling exercise, to help build trust between you and your partner.

 

Consider going to a therapist: While insight and open communication are essential, sometimes you need perspective from a trained outside source to fully grasp how your insecurity is linked to more complex dynamics. In turn, your therapist can work with you to cope with your insecurity.

 

Living with insecurity can be painful and nerve-wracking. It can make it difficult for you to believe you are worthy of love and make it hard to function in a relationship. Not trusting your partner and your relationship can cause you to engage in unhealthy behaviors that could cost you your relationship.

 

Taking the time to understand your fears, communicating openly with your partner about your feelings, and seeking professional help if needed can help you combat insecurity and build a healthier relationship dynamic.

 

PS:

 

I have always advocated that we fix ourselves first

 

Before you start praying for a husband or wife

 

Please talk to the Lord candidly about your baggage and get help

 

-GSW-

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