Softening up

Polygamy is like a scourge from a whip
one blow many tears,
A broken home like the billowing smoke
form a
It was where I opened my eyes to see
It was where I opened my heart to know
Not love but pain and distrust
Don’t eat this, don’t touch that
Don’t greet this, don’t play with that
Fault lines everywhere
Silent Hate and creepy hate
Father missing, mothers beefing
A world of no love and no joy

I came to meet the one they call the
Saviour
Away from the bitterness of many years
The hollow in me could swallow avoid
I just wanted to be made whole
Fear and suspicion were my meat and juice
I need my sanity
I need my peace
I turned to Jesus for the love I lacked
He embraced me and yet I was empty

How do you love when you know not
how to love
How do you take a hold of a reality so
steep
They say He is love and I say He is love
But the words stirred nothing in me!
A mental affirmation
I was so used to a loveless reality and
I was so scared of what evil love has to
offer my life

Then I met the Holy Spirit and began to
do his bidding
A hug today, a smile tomorrow, a burst of
joy at intervals
Before I knew it I was telling everybody
I love them, it was crazy

I sit and I cry as if I was flogged
I walk and I laugh like though I had
won a jackpot
I find springs in my own steps
I can’t walk straight, I am staggering!

What have you done to me?
What have you done to my heart?
I feel soft, mushy, vulnerable, fragile
I want to hug, embrace, hold, cuddle
I am not tough anymore
What have you done to me?