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Sinking, Sinking, Saved 2

April 6, 2022

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Brother Gbenga, let me share my
experience with you so that you
can see that it is better to die
with the “deceit” if you cheat
than tell the truth. I had a lady
I was dating in 1999, we wrote
exams in the same center and
we fell in love.

We had very strong feelings for
each other. She was staying
in Lagos,
and I was based in Osogbo.
When results were released, we
both passed but her father
sponsored her
to the USA for her education.
I met my wife at this time.
I had waited for the other lady
to return home, I kept emailing
her every week. At a point,
she stopped responding.
I was doing my NYSC by
this time. I planned to find
my way to the USA and seek
out the love of my life but
life happened and I needed to
face reality after three rejections
at the US embassy.
I met my wife after I had given
up hope and accepted my fate
We were just friends at first
until she tacitly escalated things
and I gave in out of frustration.
She knew everything about the
lady I was waiting for, she knew
my situation, it was clear that
my heart was spoken for
Time was the enemy.
Time and life.

Somehow I changed my mind and
got married. In 2018 I went to a
resort with my wife to spend
Valentine’s week. I met this lady
and her boyfriend there. We were
taking an evening stroll when we
met them. The lady screamed my name
I screamed her name.
She said she had searched all
over for me. I told her I had
tried to move heaven and earth
to be with her. We were
both screaming and crying right
in front of our partners.
The passion was real and the
love had depths and waves a
tsunami will stare at with envy.
We calmed down and moved
on with our partners but our
hearts stayed with each other.
That same night, while my wife
was sleeping, I sneaked out of
the hotel room to look for this lady.
I had no idea where she was
lodged or how I would extricate
her from her guy but I must
have my alone time with her.
As soon as I stepped out of
our lodge, I saw her.
It was like telepathy
She was waiting for me too.
We went to the reception of
the hotel and booked a room.
We both lied that we needed
some privacy to talk but this
was not true. I wanted to
be with her if only that once
and I didn’t care if I go to
hell for it. I deserved that
one night with the love of
my life. Of course, we got a
room and said it will be for
an hour.

I sent my wife a message that
something serious had happened at
work and I had to leave for
24 hours.
That was my cover.
We were just talking, crying, and
making love. We have led
separate lives and we would
have to go back. She could
afford to be with me because
she had no long-term plans
with her guy. She said she
just tagged along when he
invited her to the resort out of
boredom.
I, on the other hand, have serious
responsibilities.
When we eventually parted ways,
I returned to my wife.
She might have her suspicions
but my alibi was watertight.
I worked for myself as a
clearing and forwarding agent and
my business is quite volatile in
nature.
We returned home and settled down
to life. I never strayed again.

Then my wife saw a message
sent to me by a lady on Facebook.
The lady was trying to get
some money from me and she
offered sex in return.
My wife saw it and went crazy.
She forwarded the message to my
mother, my sibling,s and her
family members
She said she had caught me
redhanded. She said I was a cheat.
It was her mother that called
a meeting and asked my wife
to read the messages out loud
in front of the whole family.
She did and it became clear
that I was being solicited for sex
but I didn’t respond or encourage
the lady. Her older brother told her
it wasn’t new and shared some
of those that had come on to
him too on social media.

That was how the matter was
resolved. Would you believe that till
today, my wife still claims I had
deleted my responses to the lady’s
message and that she was sure
I responded and even met up
with the lady somewhere.
Imagine that I was foolish enough
to tell her the truth about that
one indiscretion. I am sure we
wouldn’t still be married. I am
Not saying couples should lie to each
other but if you know your partner
and what he or she can take,
then it will be wise not to give
him or her too much to handle
in the name of honesty
Ignorance is bliss.

-JJ-

Good day sir… The story you
shared about adultery, forgiveness,
and reconciliation got me thinking.
I once cheated on my wife after
10 years of marriage, my wife
suspected and I confessed…since the
day I confessed my wife brings
it up all the time she is provoked,
joking, talking, or being manipulative
I regret telling her the truth
and I find myself not desiring
to be with her anymore.
Even though I had not cheated
on her again, I am suffocating
with guilt and animosity and I desire
to be free again.
She now treats me like dirt.
It really hurts.

-DE

My husband forgave me of cheating
on him several times before we got
married. At the time I believe
he took it because he really
wanted to marry me and I had
many toasters who were calling
on me and taking me out every
other day. He was patient and
after four years of keeping him
at arm’s length, I married him.
He promised me my indiscretions
were a thing of the past and
I believed him.
I have cheated on him after
we got married, and he caught me once.
That day he locked me out
of the house and said the
marriage was over.
I was really petrified because
I never really saw his worth or
value to me until that day.
He loved me so much and
all I did was take him for granted.
I sat by the door and cried
my heart out, begging and promising him
it will never happen again.
He eventually let me in at
about 2 am, he had sat by
the door too, crying
I never cheated again.
I was too scared to try
and he never told a soul.
He has never raised it till
today and until I read your story
yesterday, I had totally forgotten
about it. I wonder why his attitude
towards me didn’t change for
many years. I even thought he was
cheating on me secretly but after
several months of troubling myself
while searching everywhere for
evidence that never existed, I
admitted the fact
that he is a rare soul.

-BD-

Brother Gbenga, do you know what
happened when my wife suspected
I was cheating? She woke me
up in the middle of the night
and said “I will not fight any
woman or drag you with anyone.
I suffered a lot with you and
ensured that I gave my all to
see you rise. So one day
you will come home, eat dinner
and I will sit and watch you
while you vomit out your life.
Once you’re dead I will kill myself”
I just wanted you to know that
so that you can adjust and
correct your course on the issue
of this lady I am hearing about”
She was not joking sir and
I know she will do it.
If I ever cheated on her,
I will never breathe a word
to anybody. I won’t even say
it to the priest during
confession
-TK-

Sir, my husband installed CCTV
everywhere and turned me into
a prisoner as soon as we got
married. I cannot go out and
nobody could come to visit me.
He watches me on camera from
anywhere he is. I have cheated
but how can I tell him anything
knowing his temper?

-BH

I will have been married for
18 years this year, my husband and
I married very young in our early
20’s and he has cheated on me 4
times that I know of, 3 times with
the same woman and once a different
lady.
The most recent one happened last
year and I found out about it, just
2 months ago, I was devastated and
heartbroken, I wasn’t eating or
sleeping, my blood pressure shot up
the roof.
You see I love my husband so much
and I have loved him since we met
28 years ago in our teens.
I was so ready to give up the
marriage cause everytime he does it,
it destroys a little part of me.
I confronted him and he apologized,
repented and promised to give her up
and never do it again.
I can still remember the messages
shared between them, I can’t seem to
get it out of my head.
Like all those other women, I keep
mentioning it and reminding him cause
I can’t move on, I recently met a guy,
who is so loving and romantic to me,
I really don’t have any feelings for
him but I am considering sleeping
with him, to get back at my husband,
I want him to feel what I feel,
to know the pain, in all our years
of marriage and relationships I have
never looked at another man.
I have been carrying this burden for
so long, it’s so good to let it go.
Is it worth it to stay in this marriage
I still love him but I don’t want to,
and I have been asking the Holy Spirit
to kill the love and he refuses to
do that
If he can do it and keep doing it, why
can’t I too. And I have to keep
forgiving him
So what do I do, he keeps hurting me
all the time, asking for forgiveness
and then repeating it, I can’t seem
to get over the feelings I have for
him, so it won’t hurt so much.
-DY-

PS: These are some of the reactions
to yesterday’s true-life story!
I wanted us to read them and
draw our own conclusions.
Why are marriages not working?
We tend to make a lifetime reality
out of negative emotions, insecurity
and unforgiveness.
Thus we starve our marriages of love.

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