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Rock Bottom

October 28, 2021

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This lady chatted me up on Twitter,
she had been separated from her
husband for two years and their divorce
was about to become final
In the early days of their separation and
disagreements, she was so convinced
she wouldn’t ever marry her husband
again that refused all forms of intervention
from family and church
She was meticulous in her exit, so meticulous
that her husband didn’t know she had
rented an apartment and stylishly packed
all her stuff and the children’s stuff and
also hired new nannies and all in secret
(This happened over several months)
It was an inter-tribal union
The marriage had produced two boys
Both boys were born in America and
she had two sets of birth certificates
for them
The originals bore her maiden name
as the surname for the children while
the one she gave her husband had his
name as the surname
She said she really didn’t want
to get married
She didn’t want ‘not’ to get married too
It was an experience she felt she
could try out and see if it would be good
for her or not
After five years, she felt it wasn’t worth it
and started executing her exit strategy
One day her husband got home from the
office and she was gone
Of course, her husband felt cheated and
raised a lot of hell
These were his children, his spawns with
whom he had developed a bond and
expended a lot of emotional currency
He couldn’t just pretend they didn’t exist
He went to their state dispute resolution
office to register the issue
He got his lawyer
He was all out for war after every attempt
to get her to be reasonable had been
exhausted
She was ready for war too and had
recorded every argument and disagreement
they ever had on phone without his knowledge
She had their WhatsApp chat records too
She was set for the battle and she had
evidence that he was not a good husband
and would be a poor parent to their children
She said she didn’t need any support from
him, so he should go and marry another
wife and leave her with the children
The dispute resolution body insisted she
had to meet with him somewhere with the
children twice a month even while they
were still separated
When the divorce was final the judge will
determine the fate of the children
They started doing that
Meeting twice a week so that the husband
can spend some time with his sons.
One weekend, towards the end of their
separation period, her husband showed up
with another lady
He was careful to arrive early and to keep
the lady in a part of the mall while he met
with his children
When they were done, she noticed that
he didn’t exit the mall as usual and thought
he had some shopping to do.
She went to the cinema with the children
and saw him briefly with this other lady
at a shawarma and pastries shop
The image she saw was the reason she
lost her peace
He was happy
She saw him chatting and laughing and
looking so relaxed while she had
to deal with work, two children and their
demands
It suddenly didn’t seem fair to her
That he could just move on and somehow
develop another level of emotional
attachment far away from her and the
children
Suddenly she didn’t want the divorce
again
She wanted her husband back!
But she didn’t know how to go about this
because she had damned both his family
and hers and yes, the church too
None of their friends who reached out to
her earlier got a listening ear
She needed a negotiator, someone neutral
who would help her broker peace
So she reached out to
me.
We chatted in online for a few days and
I decided to meet with her in my office
We got talking
She told me he was mentally and emotionally
abusing her
She told me how she left
She told me she didn’t want the divorce
again because God said he hated putting
away!
It was well planned
After delivering her message, she stood
up to leave
I called her name and said “Is there
anything else you wish to tell me before
I get involved in this?
Any secret? Any lies? Any skeletons in
your cupboard?
She looked at me and shook her head,
made to turn around and walk
out when she suddenly stumbled as if
someone pushed her and crashed
against the door
I quickly stood up to help her but I found
myself froze to my seat
She pulled herself up, looked at me,
and said “I have had two abortions since
I left him. The first was his baby!
I had planned to leave that month and
the pregnancy was a problem.
How do I convince the court we have not
been having sex for two years according
to my statement if I was pregnant, so
I took care of it”
I just kept starring at her
“The second, she said, was a few
weeks ago. I had been seeing
a guy in secret and we made out.
I discovered I was pregnant and i didn’t
know what to do because of all the
stuff that I am facing at the moment.
The pregnancy would mean I wouldn’t
have my husband back and the guy
I was seeing wasn’t prepared to
marry me.
It was just a fling!
So I got rid of it.
I am so sorry, Lord, I am so sorry!”
(She wasn’t addressing me as Lord,
she was talking to the Lord Jesus
and the Holy Spirit.)
I had no idea, no IDEA whatsoever that
she didn’t tell me the whole truth and
I dare not claim I knew!
I gave her something to clean
her face
When she had settled down, I said “If your
husband takes you back, do you think
you love him enough as it is to see the
marriage through?
It seems to me like you don’t really
know what you want yet and I feel you
should take some time to process this
thoroughly”
She shook her head and said “Once the
divorce is final, I will never have the
chance to get him back.
I don’t mind waiting but he will just
move on with that other lady and he
will no longer be an option.
I don’t want that.
I can wait if he is waiting too.
I love him
Please help me, sir!
I called the husband and we spoke
for hours
I didn’t say anything about the divorce
He is also on Twitter and happened
to be someone who loves my work
I didn’t even tell him I had talked with
his wife
Three weeks later the divorce was final.
This lady cried and cried and cried!
I told her to take it easy.
That marriage needed to end.
The secrets and intentions were not
good for both of them going forward.
If she really wanted him back, she
should be a girl and go for him now
that they had become divorced.
She had leverage and with a bit of good
conduct, most men would forgive all
ills and take back their ex-wives.
Men are programmed to seek peace
and allow stuff to slide especially if
they feel their woman was just misguided.
It worked!
They will be getting married again this
Saturday in Abuja
One year after they got divorced.
She realized she really wanted him and
that she had presumed that the marriage
would fail and acted accordingly.
He heard all the secrets and processed
them and then forgave her
He felt it was only fair that they try again
sincerely for the sake of their children!
I agreed with him
She was not a wicked woman, she
was just misguided and confused
and whatever!
They wouldn’t have worked out without
the divorce.
I am very convinced of that.
Some people have to reach rock bottom
before they rise again.

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