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Post Mortem III: The Exit
He heard the term exit strategy from an older friend when they were having a discussion one afternoon.
The man was talking about how he left his place of employment to start his own business and the plan he put in place to make that happen he had been processing everything regarding his marriage emotionally before that time.
Having knee-jerk reactions to his wife’s tantrums he realised if he left the marriage he would have no place to go because she was paying the rent he also had to consider the children, they are a blessing and should not become casualties in the whole matter He needed to get out of the marriage but how?
His wife came home one day and said her colleagues in the office were buying land somewhere and she wanted to buy a plot of land in the same area too, she told him the cost and he asked her how she intended to raise the money she said she would take a loan from the cooperative. He said she should not do it because she would only be able to get double of her savings with the cooperative which would be 800,000 Naira.
The plot of land was being sold for 950,000 Naira If she buys the land, where would they get the money to build the house she was planning to build on it? She said she had made up her mind to buy the land, she was not asking for his opinion.
The following day she went to inspect the land and she paid for it .One month later she came to him to explain that the land she bought had been sold to another person, she wanted him to follow her to the site and meet the land sellers so that they can give her another plot.
He followed her, and as soon as they got to the site followed by the land grabbers she began to scream, fight and curse she expected him to support her he kept quiet he told her not to buy it, but she did She got swindled, okay he was not ready to get butchered by the land sellers.
The land sellers showed her another plot of land, the plot of land was so far away from civilization that it would take years for whatever they built there to be livable .When they were done, as he was driving her back home she pounced on him “You are an excuse of a husband, they cheated me and you couldn’t fight to defend me and force them to give me a better plot of land, you were just watching them like a zombie and you know I have to pay back the loan for the land for the next two years out of my hard work”.
He said she should have called her relatives, maybe her older brother to follow her to the land as for him, he was not ready to die over someone’s erratic behaviour “You bought the land knowing there won’t be funds to build.
The land sellers said they warned you that their land was bought and built but you bought and you didn’t build, so they sold the land to someone else after you had spent money clearing the land and making corner pieces.
Anyone living in Lagos knows how the land sellers operate, you refused to listen to counsel and now I am to blame?” She went berserk, grabbed him by the neck while he was driving, and scratched him with her nail until he bled.
When they got home he went to the police station to report she called his brother to report the matter, His brother listened and asked her why she didn’t wait until they had the resources they needed to buy the land and build. She said his brother was siding with him instead of being an objective arbiter, she became rude and condescending.
It was her money and nobody should ask the person with the money why she spent her money on whatever she spent her money on She never accepts correction, especially from those who she considers poorer than herself.
That was his cue he realised he needed to sit up and become rich, perhaps when he had some money she would start respecting him as a husband. The challenge to becoming rich was simple, she had told him her star did not align with that of a man of means.
To this end, she checks all his bank accounts often to be sure he was not stacking up some money somewhere that he could use to carry women, he began a business in secret with two other guys they began to build websites and apps They would buy domain names, build the website and develop the app and then sell these already built apps and sites to businesses and schools they made sure it was affordable and they sold.
They targeted businesses in and around residential and industrial estates and other high-brow areas in Lagos. Money began to roll in he ran to the bank and opened a secret account ,she found out the next day and all hell broke loose. When he got to the office he confided in a friend who was also having a troubled marriage. The friend told him to buy a plot of land and start building a house ,he bought the land that very day and got an architect to draw up a plan, then he started building within a week.
As soon as funds came in, he transfers them to the man in charge of his building project. In eight months the house was ready that same month, and his church pastor sent for him ,when he got there he met his wife in the pastor’s house the pastor said his wife came to inform him that she had rented an apartment for herself and her children and would be moving out, he asked the pastor why? the pastor said his wife reported that he was not making enough money and she was tired of fending for him and the children.
It was a shocker the same woman who said he should not be rich was leaving him because he was not rich. He brought out his phone and told the pastor he had built a house and saw no reason why his children should move to another three-bedroom flat his wife had rented when they could live in the six-bedroom house he built.
The pastor saw the pictures and the videos, the pastor passed the phone to his wife’s six-bedroom she saw the videos and she began to cry “He is lying, where did he get the money to build a house? Who dashed his monkey banana? He is a liar, sir, this is what he does. He makes wishful thinking and claims he was making confessions. The pastor asked him if they could go to the house and see it ,he said they could. When they got there, his wife started crying “How can you do this to me? You built a house without my input so that you can chase me out of the house any time you want by claiming I didn’t contribute a dime to it.
The pastor said “Madam, why don’t you pay for the kitchen cabinets, I can see they have not been fixed yet. You should also furnish the kitchen to your taste; this is a thing of joy! Why are you crying?”
She wept all night, the pastor’s wife had to intervene. The pastor’s wife gave her the phone number of a carpenter and an interior decorator “He has built a house but you can make it a home, madam, buy the curtains, make the cabinet, choose the colour of the paint, make the beddings, buy the duvet and the bed sheets. Your husband has built a house, you can still contribute a lot to make it a home”.
She was not having it “Where did he get the money? Was it on his meagre salary that he did this? Which business was he doing? Who funded this project?” she lamented, he refused to answer her, he was determined to keep his mouth shut so that his business would continue to flourish.From experience, he knew she would sabotage his business once he told her what he was doing.
They moved into the house a month later, he resigned from his paid employment and went into business full-time. The house was located on the outskirts of the city he changed the children’s schools, he also bought her a car and got her a driver .He did everything to make her comfortable but she never felt at home in the house .She would leave him and the children and leave for several days citing work or “I want to go and clear my head” or “I want to go and spend some time with my mother” or “I want to go and stay with a friend for a while” she didn’t know how to love freely without having control over the one she claimed to love.
His success was her worst nightmare. He eventually employed a governess, a maid and a driver for the children so that whenever he had to go to business meetings the children would be well cared for, when she heard about it she returned home and sacked all the domestic staff apart from the driver. He asked her why ? she said strangers won’t raise her children. She stayed at home for a month and then she left again he didn’t mind her absence, he had peace.
She came home one day after winning an award from her office, she showered and came to his room looking to have sex he said no “You can’t just go at will, come back and then hop into my bed” She said she was not comfortable with his success “I will leave this marriage and I will take your children from you if you don’t drop this business and go back to paid employment. You will have to choose between this business and the marriage, you cannot have both and if you choose the business, you will leave me no choice but to file for divorce and take the children, I know that will hurt you but the decision is in your hands” .He told her he would deal with her mercilessly if she tried to take the children, she said he should get in the ring with his boxing gloves.
He travelled abroad for a business meeting, she took the children and filed for divorce. He returned home and got a lawyer the judgment was swift they parted ways, and he got joint custody of the children.
PS: A bad marriage damages you, It changes how you see and relate to the world. If you were with a very jealous spouse before you parted ways, you will notice that you will be on the defensive every time someone asks you a question that seems to honestly require you to answer simply and truthfully. For example, if someone asks you “Who was that lady in yellow you were talking to earlier?” Instead of saying, “She is Miss or Ms or Mrs so and so” you will say “Why are you asking? Did I do anything wrong?” This and many other subtle or obvious examples are the reasons you need to take time to heal before moving on.
Take your time to adjust .Departing from a bad marriage leaves a void, you will miss whatever it was but cheer up, and you will be fine. The children are better off living in two different homes and benefitting from the two homes without the bile of your bad marriage poisoning them. If you are scared that you won’t attract another woman, just relax and make a success of your story nothing attracts beauty like success. Finally, when you move on, find a happy soul, someone who is happy and secure in his or her skin, don’t stumble twice over the same stone.
I love you.
-GSW-