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Patterns

April 19, 2021

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Her mother said “You proud people,
this is how you hurt yourself.
You know my daughter has been
doing all these and you didn’t find
yourself another girl to love by the side?
Don’t you know that some women
need a firm hand?
What better firmness can you show a
wayward lady than to provoke her to
jealousy?
You have been like a son to me and
I know how much you have loved my
daughter these past years but if all
the things you have come here to
report to me are true, you have been
slow and a little foolish.
What I am telling you is what I will tell
my own son
Women don’t want to be with men
they can take for granted and from
the look of things, you have conceded
all the power to her in this relationship
and she is using it to her advantage at
every turn
You need to man up and do the needful
or let her be”
He was seated on the dining
set with her mother and four siblings
He could see “pity” written all over their
faces
He understood their position
Contrary to what her mother believed, he
was not so foolish
He was only in love and he felt there was
no point for the two of them to become
wild at the same time
They met when he was sixteen
She was fifteen
They all moved into the recently
completed four flats apartment at the
same time
She was attending Command Secondary
School, Ojoo
He was attending St. Patrick secondary
school, Bashorun
Their parents were civil servants
She was very
quiet by nature
Her nose was often buried in novels and books
That was what attracted him to her
She conducted herself like someone who
knew what she was doing
He was a bookworm too, although, unlike her,
he enjoyed hanging out with boys in the
estate once in a while
All they do
was play football on Saturday mornings
and some chess or scrabble on Saturday
evenings
They always rotate their hangout venues
As they grow older, the other boys started
driving and forming cliques
His parents had a car but he wouldn’t
dare touch it to please his friends
He tacitly withdrew from them and started
studying more for his examinations
Somehow they started talking and got to
like each other a lot
He wrote his examinations and gained
admission to study Law in the University
of Ibadan and Mass Communication at
the Polytechnic Ibadan
He accepted both admissions
She wrote her GCE and gained admission
to the Polythecnic Ibadan too
She had the option of writing the
examination again in SS3 or accepting
the admission
She accepted the admission and moved to
the Eruwa Campus of the school for her
studies
It was a divine arrangement in his opinion
He had someone in the same class who
could help him write attendance, buy
handouts for him and inform him when to
show up on campus for his tests and
examinations
That was when their relationship started
The daily phone calls and text messages
were the unseen cords binding them
together
He traveled down to Eruwa for his tests
and examinations
He stayed in a cheap guest house in the
town
He spent all the time with her, studying
and catching up
All her friends automatically assumed he
was he boyfriend
She didn’t deny it
He asked her out eventually
She said yes
He was 18
She was 17
They were both in ND 2
She had a friend who went to the same
secondary school as her
They didn’t become close until they met
at the polytechnic
That was the only other person in her life
on campus
They played chess, ludo and
scrabbles together
Her friend was much older than the
two of them
She was in her early twenties
Her friend was also dating a young man
who was working with a bottling company
in Lagos
The young man her friend was dating
‘was about 25 years old
They all met once in a while when
he was in Eruwa and the young man also
came around to visit his babe
Something happened that wasn’t very
clear to him during their ND 2 first
semester
His babe suddenly moved away from
Anko, where she had always moved
to New Eruwa
It didn’t make any logistical sense to him
Anko
was a trekkable distance from campus
New Eruwa was not
He didn’t pay any attention to it at the time
Then he noticed that his babe’s friend
was no longer in her life
It was as if she had been deleted totally
He tried to ask his babe what the issue was
She said it was not a big
deal
Friends often grow apart
He was busy coping with the demands of
the two institutions to probe any further
They finished their ND 2
She had to undergo one-year industrial
training with a media house
He was able to focus solely on his academics
at the University
By this time
the two families had made serious progress
His father had completed his house and
they had moved out of the estate
Her father, a bursar, had been transferred
to Akure for work and the family moved
with him
He met her friend at the Radio station
owned by his school
Because of his diploma in Mass Communication
and his status as a student on campus, he was
given a 50 minutes belt once a week to host a
Campus life show
Her friend was there for her industrial training
programme
They got talking and her friend told him she
was no longer with her guy
Wow!
He asked her why
Her friend said she caught her man having
sex with his girlfriend
That was over sixteen months before
He didn’t suspect anything but things added
up drastically
He recollected some things he saw that
he didn’t take serious at the time because
he was too busy trying to sort out his
own academic issues
Her friend said she found out his babe
was still dating her man six months after
she caught them having sex
She said her man was the one that rented
the new apartment in New Eruwa for his
girlfriend and they were both seriously
working on getting married
It was as if he was reading a horror movie
He knew her friend was right
Their relationship took a turn for the worse
at one point and it felt as if his babe
wanted him to get the message and
go away
He saw all the signs but she didn’t say
anything to him to indicate that the
relationship was over
She replied to his messages whenever
she could and she always says the
right things
Sometimes she would travel down to
visit him on campus and spend some
days with him
It felt like she was just stringing him
along
He couldn’t really say why
The news was a devastating blow for
him but they were still very young
She was twenty and he was twenty-one
He decided to cut his losses and stop
pretending he was a relationship when
he was not in one
So he blocked all her numbers and
stopped calling
He felt it would be cruel to call her and
report everything he heard
It would be too undignifying for the
two of them
It was fun while it lasted
Two months after he moved on, during
the break, she came to his parent’s
house
Just like that
He was in his room listening to Michael
Bolton’s “White Christmas” when his
younger came to inform him of her
arrival
She said she came to have a heart to
heart talk with him
She wanted to know why he vanished
and blocked her everywhere
What wrong did she do for her to be
treated so poorly?
Did she not deserve at least a phone
call to explain?
He felt terrible
He told her everything he heard
She said it was true
She also told him that it was guilt
She said she was in the room one day
when her friend’s man came visiting
Her friend had traveled home to see
her parents and he was not around
They were playing LUDO when one
thing led to another
It was not words
It was a “Stop it, I like it” that escalated
to a “Who is your daddy” moment
She said she had always hated her
house because it was located among
the indigenes
She wanted an environment where
students were many
She told her friend’s man after they
had sex and he
rented the new accommodation for
her immediately
He saw to it that all her needs
were met
She was able to live in the now
She said she had believed whatever
they were doing would die a natural
death once her friend returned from
Lagos
Unfortunately, her friend returned
and caught
her and her boyfriend having sex in
her friend’s room
(It was closer to campus and she
would often go there to spend some
time with her friend’s boyfriend in
between lectures)
That was how everything ended on
a sour note
She told him she had come to her
senses and would like him
to give her a second chance
By this time she was in tears
He felt sorry for himself and her
because he loved her
He forgave her and told her she
had been forgiven
They started the relationship again
She went back to school for her
HND and things really settled down
He got to his final year and discovered
she was seeing one of her lecturers
in the Ibadan Campus
(That was where the HND classes hold)
It was too much for him to bear
He didn’t know what he was not getting
right
He really loved her and he was doing
his best to prove it to her
He didn’t know when he dressed up
and went to see her mother
He needed someone to intervene
His heart was being shredded to ribbons
Her mother had always been aware
that they were seeing each other,
especially since she came back in tears
Her mother listened and gave her verdict
It was a brutal verdict
Her mother ended the discussion by
saying “Thank God I have not collected
dowry from anybody.
When she is ready, she will bring home
the man she wanted.
Until that time, please take care of
yourself”
Her mother’s response was not what
he expected…
He had felt her mother would call her
and tell her to be with him.
He kept wondering whether it was
how he presented his case that made
her mother act the way she did but
there was no going back after that
He closed his eyes and called off the
relationship
Four months after calling it
quits, he met another lady
A law student from OAU
They met at a conference and
became friends
He went to see her in her school and
they were both on their way to Ibadan
to attend his mother’s 58th Birthday
anniversary when his phone rang
It was her mother…
She said “Hello, how are you?
I wonder why I have not heard from
you. Your friend is here, she said you
have neither been calling nor picking
her calls”
I will like you to forget whatever had
happened and call her
Settle this thing and move on with
your life”
He said “Okay ma” and switched off his
phone.
That was the last day he picked her
mother’s call too
He had given it his best shot and it
dawned on him that the pattern would
probably continue all his life if he doesn’t
break it
So he held his new friend’s hands and
looked steadily into the future

PS: He and his new friend got
married in 2015
They settled down in Ile-Ife
They later relocated to Malaysia
when he secured a job with a
multinational company
The lady also got married in 2015,
she is currently in her third marriage
There is a life you come into, a life
you are birthed into by the spirit
A reality that encounters your odd
course and sets it right
It is found in Jesus!
He is the one who had preordained
our life’s courses and sets us upon
the wind to accomplish His divine
purpose in us.
If you notice your life is moving in an
odd pattern or cycle, dont be silent
Reach out and get help by the power
of the Holy Spirit
08072744871 Whatsapp or
[email protected]

 

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