Loving Right Is Also Righteousness
We all know how to play that game. When we find ourselves in a relationship but want to get out of it. Maybe because we have met someone else and our once giddy feelings regarding the old relationship are all gone, or maybe we noticed something about our intended that we do not like or fancy anymore and have come to the realization that the relationship will not work out.
It might be that we have just given up on the relationship. There are relationships we get into and regret a few days down the line that we ever got into them.
Some of us a better at breaking up than others. The best thing to do is always to yank off the band-aid without any remorse. Just sit each other down and tell each other the brutal truth. That is the most humane thing to do.
“We need to talk….” Something along that line. Once you start talking, tell the whole truth graciously and kindly.
You have realized the relationship is not working or not going to work and you must acknowledge the effort both parties have put into it.
Thank the person but tell the person the truth. I am no longer interested in this relationship for this reason. It will be painful sometimes but it needs to be done, so man up and do it.
The wicked thing to do however is to just coast along with the relationship knowing that you had logged out of it but expecting the other party to get the message from your behaviour or your body language.
We do this when we allow the flow of conversation between us and our partner to dry up naturally by withdrawing affection and effort from it.
A relationship is hard work, this is why we are deliberate about it and put our backs into it. A garden does not grow itself. The gardener must plant, prune, water, and garden it.
The relationship between a gardener and his or her garden is the same relationship between two friends or two love birds. It requires effort, mindfulness, and great consideration.
Once we withdraw these things the relationship begins to die on our own end. However, if the other party continues to care, be mindful, considerate, and invested in the relationship while you have withdrawn from the relationship, you are dealing with such a person unfairly.
God does not want us to be unfair in our dealings with each other especially when it comes to our relationships.
I agree that we find ourselves in some relationships and realize too late that we have entered into a mess. It might not be that the person we are in a relationship with is bad or deserves the axe, we just might not be compatible.
We must be mature enough not to “ghost” emotionally or physically simply because we lack the strength of character to call it off maturely.
Imagine being in a relationship with someone who would not talk to you for months weeks or days in the name of being unhappy with something you have done or disagreeing with you based on certain issues.
Then the person begins to do what we call PR, he calls all your friends and tells them what has happened and laments about what you have done and how he or she is the saint in all these, then if the relationship has gotten to the stage where family members know about it, the person begins to call all the members of his own family and tell them things akin to preparing their minds for the news of the breakup that is looming.
Everybody knew what was coming but you While you are praying, and hoping he or she will become their warm, jovial, considerate, and compassionate self again, the altar on which you will be royally roasted has been built.
This hurts badly. The worst is if such a person had met another lady or man and moved on with such while still stringing you along mercilessly. When you ask such people why they didn’t do the right thing, they will stammer and say “Is it easy to break up?”
They knew in their hearts they were being unfair. They knew they had sucked you dry and now they are leaving you high and dry.
They knew they had put their interest first and you were no longer relevant in the picture they had painted of their future. You had been fired for months but they led you on and you continued to work without any pay or benefits with the hope that things would get better.
The worst of the worst is when the two get married.
I know a man who shared the same house with his wife and for three years they were both not talking to each other.
Many of us have too much evil energy in us and yet we will be praying in tongues.
Evil energy is the energy to do evil unrepentantly and tirelessly, if you have it and you are born again, it proves you are still carnal.
I understand that marriage is a very permanent arrangement and if you get into it and you suddenly understand your partner is not giving you joy, you might be tempted to retreat into a shell and build walls.
You must however remember that walls isolate and suffocate us in the end. It is better to talk and talk to each other respectfully and encouragingly.
Nagging and condescending words only help us to dig the grave of the relationship a bit deeper.
If you have dated two to three people and they all had the same thing to say about you regarding your character and lack of proper communication skills and maturity in handling issues, I ask you to please change today.
Silent treatment is most times a manipulative tool aimed at proving our resolve not to break or concede in a battle of wills. Relationships are not wars.
If you find yourself thinking or saying: “I will show her pepper” “I will deal with him” “I am not a pushover” “Is she thinking she is wise?” “She will cry until she sheds blood” in the context of a relationship or marriage about your partner, just know that you have entered into that territory where the relationship will never recover one way or the other.
When you think of your partner, there is this warm feeling that you must have in your heart always. He or she is the better place you visit in your heart to draw strength and joy. Once that is no longer there or you realize it has been replaced by something else that is cold and malicious, please know that what will be flowing out of your belly will not be warm and cozy.
You have changed and that changes the dynamics of the relationship. I noticed that a lot of couples with serious relationship issues are using the “I am going abroad to study” excuse to take a break from their marriages. In some cases, absence made the heart fonder. In other cases, absence helped the union to die a natural death as both partners used the new phase to tell each other the truth.
I know that we all won’t resolve issues the same way.
We almost always do what we find comfortable for us to do. If you are comfortable keeping malice for months and you know it, please keep away from relationships and other emotional entanglements until you have trained yourself not to keep malice anymore.
The same applies to envy, jealousy, selfishness, unhealthy competitiveness, and all the fruits of the flesh.
What you exhibit is the substance of who you are.
Serve breakfast the right way, if you must serve breakfast at all.
Love the right way, if you must love at all.
Right living is a product of the righteous nature in you Loving.
Right is Righteousness.
Finally, some people actually told their partners the truth.
They had this sit down and they broke it off candidly and without any malice.
Their partners took it badly and as a result, they stayed around trying to see if they could help their now ex-partners mitigate the damage. The partner sees the sign of them staying around as “She still loves me”, “She will change her mind”, “He will come around” “God has promised and it will never fail”, “I received a word of prophecy regarding this relationship” Please stop being pathetic!
Not all relationships will work out. Some are meant to help us see ourselves as we truly are and adjust so that we can be better placed for the right one. Not everyone who walks down your street will end up in your house.
If this relationship did not work out, don’t make an enemy of your ex!
Of course, you are in pain and yes, it is excruciating, don’t curse him or her.
Stop the drama.
The pain helps in its way. Make sure you heal right by talking to someone or taking up a hobby that will help you process the relationship and ease out of it.
The meat of a heartbreak’s pain lasts for about three months. After this period, go all out and shine. If your light is bright enough it will attract other lights. If your light shines the right kind of light, it will attract the right kind of light.
Be a keeper of good things and make sure you don’t judge the strength of a new relationship on the weaknesses of an old relationship.
Tears might have lasted all night.
It is morning and joy has come.
Rejoice in this joy and shine again! PS:
I got a call from a dear sister in the USA yesterday. She got married on the 7th of December 2023 after waiting for many years to be found.
She called me because I prayed with her at the Abeokuta Retreat which we had last year and we both agreed God would settle her maritally.
She said she and her husband met less than three months ago. I said, Wow! She said he listens to you and would like to talk to you. I said “Awesome”
We have a second wedding in America on the 29th of December 2023.
God is good. Our CSR and Widows Ministry will be hosting us at a Carol service this Saturday by noon.
GSWMI Ministers will be there to Prophesy into 2024 as we cross over into the Year of the Feasts of Glory.