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Adapting to Love

March 22, 2021

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His mother was an amazon
A woman of many talents and
abilities
His mother woke up as early as 4 AM
every day and she was always the
last to sleep
His mother raised the children all by
herself
Their father, a teacher, got tired of
living from hands to mouth and
decided to seek greener pastures
abroad
That was how his mother was left
with seven children to raise by herself
His mother, also a teacher, combined
catering and petty trade to her work
All the children learned how to knead
the dough and assist in making snacks
every day after school and every
weekend
They were trained to be industrious
To be self-sufficient and never to beg
for anything
As the third child, he learned how to
make chin-chin (Mix the flour and fry
the chin-chin) at the age of 10
His older sisters started helping out at
the age of 8
His mother would often say, “It is the
lazy that waits for a kucky break in life,
the hardworking will inevitably make his
or her own luck”
He found his mother’s words to be
golden
For him and his siblings, being
entrepreneurial came naturally
It was the path their mother laid their
feet on
They started making and taking
chin-chin and other snacks to their
schools to sell to their classmates
secretly from JSS 1
They knew the value of money, how
to make money and how to save money
They all had piggy banks where they
saved their earnings and most of
them would rather walk home
after school hours in order to save
the transport fare than board a bus
There was a year when he was thirteen
that the money he saved for the year
was used to sew him his Christmas
suit and shoes without a penny added
by his mother
It was the proudest Christmas of his life
He and his siblings would later add
their savings together to buy a colored
television set and video for their house
and also to change the furniture,
draperies and pay their own way
through the university
His mother was the type of woman a
man could die and be sure would
take care of his children without
sleeping around or whining about life’s
unfairness and bursting apart at the
seams
When they later discovered that in the
quest to get a green card, their father
had remarried and forgotten all about
them, they didn’t miss a step
At no point did their mother throw up
her hands to say “Your father betrayed
me and abandoned me with seven
children, I am tired!
I want to be loved too and to just sleep
while somebody brings me breakfast in
bed or I want a man to take care of me
while I laze away or I just had my nails
done and can’t wash plates or clothes!
His mother remained beautiful, so
beautiful and attractive that she had a
lot of suitors willing to marry her or
become her lover when it became
obvious that their father wouldn’t be
returning to man the house
What attracted the men to his mother
was her success!
She rose to the position of a principal
and also took up a job as a part-time
lecturer in one of the state Universities
before the age of 43
His mother had a gift shop, a supermarket,
and a nursery and primary school which
grew out of a creche his mother started
in their house
Relatives throng to them for help and
assistance
Imagine a single woman raising seven
children and still taking in children of
other struggling relatives for training
None of those who passed through his
mother’s tutelage turned out a failure
in life
His mother was one of a kind
His mother was what he wanted in a
woman
An innovative, industrious, maternal,
disciplined, go-getter, zealous,
passionate, loving, adaptable, and
flexible woman
The kind of woman that could literally
draw water out of rock
That was his one and only dream and
he found her when he was in the
university
He found her during a visit to a classmate
he had always admired at the female
hostel
The classmate casually mentioned a
lady in their hostel who was a hairdresser,
a foodstuff seller, a recharge card seller,
a moneylender, a tailor and first-class
student two rooms down the block
His classmate said the lady would be the
first to wake up in the hostel and the last
to sleep
His classmate was wondering how the
lady was coping with all the projects,
assignments, and other tasks
He loved the lady even before meeting
her
She was the one he had been dreaming of
He met her two days later at a classroom
She had gone to the classroom to study
and he practically stalked her
He waited until she had settled down before
making his approach
He knew her kind
SHe will not be interested in long speeches
and waste my time affair
He told her the truth
That he heard about her from a lady in
her hostel and had taken a few days to
check out the facts for himself
He asked if they could be friends with
the possibility of getting married sometime
in future
He made his pitch in seven minutes
She replied by looking intently at him
for about thirty seconds and saying
“Tell me about yourself”
He did the short biography in five minutes,
she nodded and said “I will tell you
about myself tomorrow, I will like to
go back to my study now”
He excused her and got a smile from her
as he was walking out of the classroom
They started meeting in the class daily
and he stayed with her for longer periods
over the course of that semester
She combined spending time with him
with all her other activities and she
still excelled
He was like her in every way
He was a barber in the hostel, he sold
soft drinks and other refreshments
from his room, he had a business
center on campus which he equipped
with computers, photocopy machines,
printers, binders and so on
He was also a first-class student
Neither of them had to depend on
each other for anything apart from
love and company
They bounce business ideas off each
other and inspired each other to start
a thrift collection business on campus
towards their final year which was a
success in both the male and female
hostels
They graduated together
He was posted to Ondo state for NYSC
while he was posted to Taraba State
The plan was to get married immediately
after NYSC
It never happened
He called & texted daily from his base
He visited her once after the first three
months
Then the calls and text stopped coming
from her
She didn’t call to officially dissolve their
friendship
He never even got the chance to stake
his claim and fight for her
She met a local government chairman
while trying to garner support for her
community project at the community
she was posted to
She planned to build a health care center
and sink a borehole in the community
It was a very expensive project but
she was determined to get it done
She met several influential people in
the community
One of them was quite rich and proposed
to marry her
One thing led to another
She got pregnant and became the man’s
third wife
The man flew her to
Dubai after a small introduction and
wedding ceremony
He got all that from the lady’s younger
sister
The lady never even said goodbye
He didn’t know what to think
Perhaps she never saw what he saw or
she never wanted what he wanted
Maybe they were just not meant to
be together
He had spent four years with her
Not once did she give him any indication
that she was not on board with his plan
He took it quite badly
It was supposed to be
He couldn’t see anything but her in his future
The one thing an entrepreneur cannot
do in a corrupt society was get
distracted
The broken heart cost him dearly
Wolves from within his staff members
sank their teeth in his business until it
bled from many sources
By the time he recovered and sacked all
the crooks responsible, he found himself
in a huge financial mess
The thrift business had been
targetted and many customers were
owed
He had to sell some assets to repay
the debts and also clear loans taken
from a commercial bank by sacked staff
members who used his assets as
collaterals without his knowledge
He was set back in many ways
After months of putting so much
energy into rebuilding, he gave up and
decided to search for a job
He just didn’t feel up to the task
anymore
He got an interview offer
Went to the office on a Monday
morning and met a lady at the reception
She was two years younger than him,
she was very friendly and warm
They
chatted like friends for about two hours
He assumed she was there for the
interview just as he was but he was
wrong
She was the MD of the company
He didn’t get the job
She heard about his business acumen
and the loss he suffered and told him
she could be of help but not as his
employer
She wrote him a cheque of 20 million
naira
She told him to call it a soft loan and
get back to what he knew how to do
best
She was his saving grace
With her help, he bounced back and
built his thrift business to the point
where it became a microfinance bank
in two years
She was with him all the way, guiding,
supporting, and helping with the
connections he needed for approvals
and all
He married her three years after they
met
She was everything he never wanted
in a woman
Her career was her life, her only life
She couldn’t cook, she would sleep
early and wake up late
She would be on her phone for half of
the time they are together talking with
friends and relatives
She was born into money and had
known a privileged life all her days
She could practically handle nothing
without calling him even when he
traveled out of the country
“Honey, my car tyre just went down”
(She had a driver!)
“Honey, the driver didn’t wash the car,
he just parked it please talk to him”
When they had children she had no
idea how to back a baby or bathe a baby
Her mother too had no clue
They had to employ a nurse to help
out
And three housemaids to do the house
chores
She would sit and watch tv all-day
It was quite irritating for him but he
coped with it as much as he could
After their fifth wedding anniversary,
he decided he had had enough
He was so rich at that point that he
didn’t need her financial support in
anyway so the one asset she brought
to the marriage had become useless
In every other aspect, he just couldn’t
cope with her
He told her he wanted a divorce
He told her despite all his complaints
and admonitions, she remained the
same
He was tired of dying in silence
She cried her eyes out
She said she was just being herself
Why couldn’t he see that and let
her be?
Why destroy everything they had built
because he wanted to live an idea
when he could live in their reality
It wasn’t as if things weren’t getting
done
He was just unhappy because
they were not getting done by her in
their home.
She reached out to the Brother in
Jeans and T-shirt
What do I do?
The three of them met
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt asked
the husband to describe the church
to him as he sees it today
(Both of them are believers)
The husband talked about the spots,
wrinkles, blemishes, and scandals
known to all those who see the
church from a worldly perspective
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt
asked the husband if he thought
Jesus is proud of the church as the
church currently stands
The husband said No
The Bother in Jeans and T-shirt
asked the brother why Jesus had
not abandoned the church
The Brother kept mute
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt
reminded him that Love is a decision
The Brother made the decision to
love a certain type of woman and
never made the effort to love his
wife and work with her as Christ still
works with the church to make the
church better everyday
A lot of crying and apologies followed
The Brother pulled down the stronghold
of his ideal woman and began to learn
to love his wife
His wife also adjusted and learned to
do many things for him and with him
She really did put her back into making
the marriage work
Their marriage is 10 years today
Brother and Sister ID and Chichi, I
celebrate God in you
Thank you for making the impossible
possible and bringing two more love
children into this world
You are a shining example to many
in this generation
Thank you for loving each other
intentionally!

PS: Love is and will always be a
choice.

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