Honey Badger

Telling someone you have been in love
with that the relationship is over is
a big deal
It sometimes eats you up from the inside,
especially if the person is a good person
who loves you with all of his or her heart
How do you even say it?
What words do you use?
What excuse?
It is easier to wish it away
To hope that the person will find love
with someone else and be the one to
break up with you or perhaps to relocate
for studies, work, or whatever
It is even worse if you have met somebody
else and you find yourself “double-dating”
unintentionally because while you have
moved on, he or she still sees you as the
center of their world
You look for mistakes, you get angry with
such easily, ignore their phone calls,
deliberately refuse to reply their messages,
become curt, impolite, and sometimes rude
You hurt while you’re doing this
but you know such a person deserves better
Sometimes you tell a mutual friend to help
you break the news and you hope your partner
will take it well and not see you as the
devil
You mount your defenses
You cry and wish you could disappear
Why is it so hard to be happy in this world
Walking out of emotionally intense
relationships is such a gut-wrenching deal
It is easier if it was just a casual,
physical fling
It is easier if it was just sex
Emotions are tricky things, you never know
how far you’re gone until you find your
legs shaking and your eyes teary
all because your relationship with someone
is facing a sudden death
When it comes to a marriage, the energy
is different
You’re committed and you even took a vow to
that effect but if the man turns out to be
a burden or the woman turns out to be a
disaster
You begin to consider
walking away carefully
If children were involved, if the church
is involved and so many other factors
She wished she had walked away from the
relationship before they got married
She wanted to on many occasions but she
developed cold feet for many reasons
She met him while she was on Industrial
training
He was already working with the organization
and she felt he was the right age for her
to move on to the next phase of her with
She had never really been in any serious
relationship before then
He was kind, attentive and generous
She really felt he was
the one when he asked her out but then…
Other guys came along after her IT
They were richer and they offered far
juicier prospects
She wanted to walk away at that time but
what if…
What if these new guys just wanted to
take advantage of her?
What if she was just being selfish
and reckless?
She went out with some of the prospects
secretly and discovered that for all their
sweet tongues and sudden attention, all
they wanted was the honey
After three of such misadventures, she
told herself it was best to stay with him
He was constant, consistent and his
love was genuine
She wanted more out of life
It seems to her as if he was okay with
salary and living in a flat somewhere
Perhaps she was just being childish and
adventurous
He was offering what every girl desires
but she didn’t want her life to peter out
after getting married
Even though he was working at the time and
she was studying, she still felt he was
too limited in his understanding of life
to cope with her
Yet she didn’t want to get to her planned
destination alone
She wanted the security of a relationship,
she wanted a home
She graduated and got a job
She did her masters and even traveled abroad
for her MBA
She would have walked away if she met
another person, anybody who matched her
energy but sadly, there was none
Like a faithful dog, he waited
She returned home and married him after nine
years of relationship
She started earning way more than him
Even when she was pregnant with their
children, she often wondered if he was aware
that she was not really settled in her
spirit as his wife
She wanted him to run, to grab opportunities,
to aspire to become more than a grade by
grade civil servant
No matter how she said it directly or
indirectly, he wasn’t moved
Like a snail or a tortoise, his pace in life
was far from what her Ferrari could embrace
She had her children in the USA
(She sponsored the trips)
He loves her and would say yes to whatever
she demanded
She hated that too
He was too much of a yes man
She cheated on him a few times, he didn’t
even notice or perhaps he deliberately
ignored the signs
Even when she left clues here and there to
provoke him, hoping he would divorce her
or do something
He kept mum
Eventually, she made up
her mind and relocated abroad with the
children
She told him her plans after it had been
concluded
She didn’t think it mattered to him that
much
He agreed and they made plans to work on
his papers and get him to join them as
soon as possible
She knew the marriage was over
She was
done
She expected time and distance to take
care of the rest
It was better than telling him it was over
and having to fight over custody and
other things
It had always been difficult for her to
close out relationships with words
One year after she and her children arrived
in the USA
She heard that his uncle was made an
ambassador
A few weeks later, he sent her a message
that he would be coming over as part of
his uncle’s diplomatic entourage
They had been communicating and things
were going according to plan
The calls were becoming less frequent and
the marriage dying a natural death
She replied him saying “I think we both
know this marriage is over.
You have access to your children anytime
you want but I want more out of life than
this”
He didn’t reply
He also didn’t bother visiting as he earlier
intended
He called her once
in a while but kept in touch with the children
She was in New York
He was in Washington
She was living in a basement apartment, doing
three jobs a day to cope with bills and all
She didn’t bother asking him for anything,
she just needed to brush up her CV and do
some courses that will enable her use her
certificate to get a better job
He invited the children over to his house
for Christmas in 2021
She decided to take them
She got to his mansion and discovered that
he was more than comfortable
He was working with a tech firm, earning so
much and living well
It was as if she walked into her dream life
in real life
He was still his modest self
Easy talking, not taking anything as important
as he should
Not once did he tell her how rich he was or
even use his means to try and take the children
or contest her decision to dump him
She spent a week in his house
She stayed in a room
The children had their own rooms, they had a
butler and a housekeeper
After the third day, she summoned the courage
to have a chat with him
He was friendly, respectful but distant
It was understandable, given the circumstances
After the week, she asked if he would rather
have the children since he has the means to
take care of them
He said okay
She returned to New York and started praying
She wanted her husband back but she does not
know how to reach him anymore…

To be continued…