Handling Offense

January 23, 2022


Many believers would suddenly remember
the offense of a fellow believer
while they were sleeping or working
or just going about their daily business.
The perceived offense might be real or imagined.
Maybe the fellow said something unkind
about them to others or they felt
the person disrespected them or their
doctrine in one way or the other.
This thought would get a hold of them
until they start feeling angry, upset, and or sad.
Sometimes they pick up their phone
and call another believer, any believer
regardless of the level of maturity of such
to discuss the issue, at other times
they stew in the matter for hours,
brooding over it until they are given
more reasons to support the original thought
which amounts to building up a case
against this fellow or calling more people
to talk about this fellow to let
the issue off their chest.
They tell themselves it is the Holy Spirit
that was ministering to them to
take decisive action or deal with
the fellow who they are now convinced
was walking in error.
At the end of the day, their actions boomerang!
The one who was so eager to
call and talk about this fellow get
a direct call from the fellow or the pastor.
The fellow says
“I was told you said this and that about me, why?”
Or the Pastor will call and say,
“So and so called me over some
accusations you leveled against such and such”
At that moment they begin to
stammer and lie
“I didn’t say anything like that, all I said was….”
They begin to twist their own words
and in the same breath,
they accuse those who said what
they said of taking their words
out of context or slandering them.
The one that didn’t call anyone suddenly gets a
headache, most likely migraine,
and from that point the fellow
he or she had in his or her heart
becomes an enemy.
Someone to avoid and take action
against in the due course.
Fellowship becomes dodgy for the former,
he or she does not want to fellowship
with the brethren again because “they”
had countered his or her accusation and
the pastor may be using him or her
to preach or even invite him or her
to a meeting to face the accused person
and things would become uncomfortable from that point.
For the latter, the person he or she kept
in their heart becomes a subject of derision.
Every good news they hear about
this person makes them uncomfortable.
They desire to hear and collate more
bad news about that fellow so that other
people will corroborate their accusation and
prove them right.
If they don’t hear anything evil,
they say the person was only
being slippery and would one day be uncovered
They will insist they are right and
would hold on to the grudge they bear
They would have redefined this fellow
in their heart as a hypocrite,
a wolf in sheep clothing,
or a spawn of the enemy.
All the while they see themselves
as justified, right, and even claim
it was the Holy Spirit that set them
on the course they have followed
not realizing they had, in all honesty,
acted exactly as the devil had influenced
them to act because he is the accuser of the brethren.
God does not accuse his children,
He chastises them for their wrong.
The devil however is an expert
at sowing seeds of discord among the brethren.
The one thing he targets is
the state of our minds because
he knows this affects our fellowship
both with God and other believers.
Does this mean some believers don’t do
wrong and ought to be called out?
This is not a “touch not my anointed” plea
This however is a plea to follow
the scripture to the letter when
dealing with a perceived wrong.
We sometimes don’t know why people did
what we perceived as wrong for
which we have taken an offense.
This is why the scripture says
we should go to fellow directly
and invite another mature believer along.
This other believer must not be told
what had happened beforehand.
When we get to this fellow,
we must state what was in
our heart that we have perceived as an offense.
We must give this believer the
benefit of the doubt and the room to explain.
Once the matter had been explained,
we must be willing to apologize
or accept an apology from the fellow
and then let the matter rest.
If this was a crime, like theft,
rape, etc., we must not keep
keep quiet so as not to make
a victim of another by covering up
the deed of the perpetrator.
We must act immediately by presenting
our evidence to the church authority or
if it was the senior pastor that did this evil,
we must go to the police.
Even though we might be hurting,
we must resist the temptation to
turn to the mob for gratification.
The church is not as slack
as many of us assume.
I have seen a Pastor disrobed in public
by the church authority after careful consideration
of the evidence and testimony against the pastor.
The first thing to be done is
to suspend the perpetrator until the
investigation is carried out and then
to mete out the appropriate punishment.
Even in this wise, we must not forget
that we owe the perpetrator a
duty of love and restoration.
The rapist can change and so can the murderer!
There is no offense a believer can commit
that would warrant keeping malice or
binding ourselves with the cord of unforgiveness.
If, however, we realize we have accused
someone falsely or misjudged them in any way,
we should not sit on a high horse of pride
by insisting we are right even after
we have seen that we were wrong.
Again, self has no place in this
kingdom of His dear Son.
We have been joined to the Lord and
we have become one spirit with him.
Do we remember how much King Saul hated David?
Do we also remember how David
honored Jonathan’s descendant even after Jonathan died?
David was not consumed by hate,
he mourned Saul all day and even composed a song for him.
David called Saul and Jonathan
“Swifter than eagles and stronger than lions”
and he did everything to preserve their legacy
when an Amalekite came to him telling stories to
ingratiate himself with David while preying
on the known fault lines between the late Saul and David.
Jesus prayed for Peter before
he was betrayed and Paul restored Demas to the faith.
We must give a fellow believer the opportunity
Jesus gave us by dying for us
while we were yet sinners.
We must avoid holding a conference
with the devil in our hearts
while assuming we are in touch with the Holy Spirit
When a voice of accusation arises either
within our hearts or from the lips of another believer,
we must not allow such to fester until it becomes a
the stronghold that handicaps our walk with the Holy Spirit.
Jesus was accused several times of many things,
the scripture said they hated him
with no just cause, and yet he said
“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
There is no greater example for us
to emulate than Him.
If we don’t emulate him,
we expose our hearts to the
manipulation of the devil or demons
because they are always in a constant state of accusation.
They twist our thoughts and perceptions
until we gain a reputation as false brethren
and become the evil we wanted to eschew.


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