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Hamashiach Assembly

May 4, 2021

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His first words were “I don’t want to
end up like my father”
He said it as a matter of fact
The way someone who had given an
issue a lot of thought would normally
speak
It was an encouraging start to a
marriage counseling session
It shows he knew there was a problem
somewhere
He went on the describe his father as
a very violent and abusive man
A man who had no regard for his mother
An ex-military man who fathered many
children with many women but never
stayed with any of the women for more
than two years at a stretch
A man who had no regard for God,
family and friends
He also went on to describe how his
father treated him while he was going up
He said his father would flog him
mercilessly for any mistake he made
None of the children could approach
his father for anything
Even their mothers were always cringing
He obviously resented his father
He said his mother was the first wife
and the one who stayed with his father
the longest
He said it was a union that was joyless
and full of strife
He said His father left the country in
his forties to start afresh in America
He said his father left a trail of
broken realities behind
He told his father’s story so well
It was a dark reality that haunted him
still, even after he had gotten married
and fathered his own son
When he was done speaking, his wife
looked up and said
Sir, He is exactly like his father
He beats me up at every
opportunity
I am a teacher by profession
Apart from school and church, he did
not permit me to have a social life
I cannot relate with my own family
members
If I went anywhere and he decided I
had spent too much time there, he
would lock me and my child out of
the house
He is a monster
The only thing he deemed me fit for
was sex
He would sleep with me four or five
times a day, then he will give me the
next day off and pounce on me the
day after
When I was pregnant, I was
experiencing morning sickness and
he was hitting it from behind, while I
was in serious discomfort.
Sir, I was vomiting and crying but he
didn’t care
After the first trimester, I started
showing and I begged him to please
take it easy with me
The hammering was a bit too insensitive
of him in my opinion
I didn’t deny him sex, sir, I only told
him to be less aggressive
He took offense
He said i was hiding behind pregnancy
to deny him his conjugal rights
He didn’t care about how I felt or how
his actions made me feel about him
He continued to play the jockey riding
a mare
We had the child, I felt he would
become less aggressive
It got worse
He stopped going to church
He would insist on having sex on
Sunday morning till 10 am and then
he would lie down and sleep
I will cook for him and ensure he was
comfortable before heading to church
Sometimes my legs would be shaking
so badly on my way to church that I will
have to sit for some time to calm my
body down a little
I don’t believe he sees me as a human
being sir
I think all he sees when he sees me is
a sex object and a domestic servant
Someone who existed to feed him and
service his sexual appetite
I am tired of this marriage, sir!
His wife kept quiet
He looked up and said “I love my wife
but she does not listen to me, sir!
I admit that I sometimes lose my temper
because of her conduct and I act the
way she described but how can a
woman go off to see her cousin and
not return home on time to cook for
her husband
Does she not know she was supposed
to make my food?
I work hard to ensure that she got
everything she needed to make the
home but all she wants to do was
frolic with friends who are unmarried
and irresponsible.
Was I supposed to keep quiet and
let her walk all over me
like I am a fool?
On the sex thing, I didn’t know that it
is a crime for a husband to sleep with
his wife
I can start cheating on her or get
myself a side chick if that is what
she desires
She goes about telling everybody
about our sex life in a bid to embarrass
me
If she knew
marriage was not her cup of tea, why
did she get married?
We were having sex like that before
we got married, she knew my appetite
and she used to praise me for it but
now it has become a negative talking
point because she wanted to paint
me as the devil
I go to church, in fact
I am a member of the young adult’s
church leadership team
I believe in God and I serve God
It is true that I don’t go to church
sometimes, just like her
There are Sundays she will say she
is too tired or that she needed rest
Did I judge her by that?
I am not the devil sir, I am
not as wicked as she has portrayed me to be
The counselor spoke with the two of them
The talk was real and practical
He even gave them some assignments to do
They decided would see the counselor
again after two weeks to give a progress
report
They stepped in
Another couple walked
in
The wife said “Sir, I have to beg my
husband to have sex with me
Everything irritates him
If we were about to make love and
I fart, he will turn away and that will
be the end of it
Even if I say a word in English and
I didn’t say it right, sex is over
He wouldn’t do more than
one round
He will say to me that it is only when
it is not well done that a second
round is required
The one round he does is good and
he pays attention to my needs but if
I ask him for more after that, he will
turn his back and sleep off without
any concern about my feelings
I suspect he is cheating sir
How can a virile young man be so lethargic
about sex
Other men would do many rounds with
their wives all night
Is this not the time to do that?
While we are still young?
If i don’t ask him for sex, we will never
have sex! I am sure of that
He never makes the first move
That thing that ladies say about their
husband chasing them or desiring them
is a pipe dream for me
I bought sexy night wears
I would sometimes walk into the room
naked
He never grabs me
The funniest thing is the polite and very
formal way he usually asks me
if it is okay for him to “come in”
As if he was not talking to his wife
That thing irritates me
Was he not supposed to be free and to
do as he likes with me?
Are we not married?
Does he not own my body?
I am tired of this marriage sir
The funny thing is that I might end up
cheating on him
Because I am tired of not being loved
If another man will chase me and love me
as he should, I might just leave him and
follow that man
I am a young woman and I am not
enjoying the kind of marital life I have
always dreamt of
I have only one life to live and this
is it
There will be no second chance, so I
must enjoy this life and live it to the best
I am tired of this marriage sir
Her husband said “I don’t want to end
up like my father sir! I have told my
wife this several times.
My father was a skirt chaser to the core
He slept with all
kinds of women just because he had no
self-control
All he lived for was his sensual pleasure
and his life was a pathetic life that came
to an end in a very sorry way
I swore I would do better and I am
doing better
I don’t cheat and I won’t cheat
Self-discipline and denial are not
crimes
I am a good husband and I provide for
my household
We have a baby boy already
I don’t know why she is making an issue
out of nothing
By this time, his wife was in tears
She was sure he didn’t get her dilemma
The counselor spoke to them too
The two families got better after
some sessions with the counselor
We do not have to wait until things
get out of hand before we get better
We can be honest with ourselves and
learn to become better people in
Christ
This will really help our relationships
and life choices
Daddy issues are serious issues
Most people tend to end up behaving
like their fathers either they wanted to
or not
Some other people will find themselves
at the other extreme because they do
not want to end up like their father
Which is equally a bad place to be
There is a way the Holy Spirit opens
our hearts to his leading and teaching
on living the kingdom life
We have the mind of Christ and we are
full of His spirit
What most people lack is the modeling
of Christ
A gathering where the Christ reality
is lived easily and naturally
A place where we can drop the carnal
mindset totally and be transformed
and learn christ daily
This is not a church, it is a gathering
A culture shaping and life-changing
reality that will build us up and equip
us to be Christkinds to our world
Indeed there is safety when we are
guided by the Holy Spirit
GSWMI has started a group to
accommodate young adults and help
them through challenges in their
young marriages, relationships, and
courtships
Our desire is to help groom Kingdom
relationships outside of the encumbrances
of religion
The group opened yesterday and many
young adults have joined already
If you desire to join the group please
send a DM or a WhatsApp message to
08072744871
Let us build the right reality together by
the power of the Holy Spirit

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