I remember the first time I had to take a stand against a lady on Twitter who claimed she was raped and had the Twitter mob on her side
I found myself on several blogs being labeled as a rape apologist
I was unfollowed by hundreds of people
I got vicious messages in my DM and even death threats
I remember the pastor of this young woman, a man I used to respect a lot putting a call through to me and asking me not to defend the man accused of raping this lady because “Even though he didn’t rape her” he was a married man and a lecturer to this young lady. Therefore, he had no business having sex with her regardless of whether the sex was consensual or not.
The man accused of raping this lady and his wife had just moved to the UK.
He was a medical doctor.
The young lady that accused him of raping her had raised an alarm in Ibadan the moment the incident happened.
The University authority carried out a test on her immediately to ascertain the veracity of her claim.
The university also set up a panel to look into the matter.
After a thorough investigation, the University concluded it was not rape.
This lady went on Facebook to write the story, slanting the facts but there were WhatsApp receipts and recorded conversations between her and this unfortunate young man.
She was the one who told him to take her to a club.
She was the one that climbed on top of him at 6 pm, right in the club and had sex with him in public.
She was the one who asked him to take her to a hotel for the night because that day was her birthday.
She was the one who slept with him in that hotel a second time and then when they were having sex the third time, she asked him to stop right in the middle of the act and he stopped.
They slept and parted ways amicably in the morning.
She expected him to call her the next day to ask how she was, but he didn’t
She took offense and declared she had been used- She screamed rape!
I spoke with this young lady for hours over the phone.
She agreed everything happened according to all the receipts tendered to me by the man affected (The man reached out to me in my DM because the Twitter mob had investigated his house address and office address in the UK and had written to the hospital via mail and Twitter that they had employed a rapist)
Letters were also written to the embassy and the man’s landlord.
The man’s wife was not spared too.
He was about to lose everything and nobody was willing to hear or tell the truth, so he came to me in my Twitter DM and on WhatsApp to tell his story and present his evidence)
I had the option of going with the crowd or swimming against their evil tide.
I chose to tell the story as it happened.
I braced myself for the impact and it was devastating!
Only God knows how many people I blocked that season.
The vile words and curses that many heaped on their own heads because they read the rant of a lady who needed urgent psychiatric help at the time.
The thing about a rape accusation is this, it never truly goes away.
It becomes part of your story, your framing, your perception, your image, and your CV.
Every time you are investigated for a job or even a relationship or friendship, it pops up. You have practically been labeled a sex offender, a pervert! It sticks and Hyssop will not be able to wash that stain away. Nothing can wash it away except the blood of Jesus.
It is not one of those crimes that just blows away, it will keep coming back.
Those who accuse people falsely of rape ought to be given the same energy of negativity and labeling they were willing to unleash on their victims.
This is never the case
Soon, someone will come to their defence and claim mental health issues or another reason to excuse them from facing the full consequence of their actions.
I am not excusing the bad behavior and absolute lack of ethics displayed by this lecturer who was married and supposed to be a good example to the young lady in question but to accuse him of rape was wrong.
Two wrongs can no right make!
I found myself handling another case yesterday.
A case that speaks to the darkness in the heart of many of us in our relationship towards those that we claim we love or pretend to love.
A friend told her friend about a party they should attend this Christmas.
The friend said her boyfriend’s friends from the USA would be coming to Nigeria and the party was going to be so much fun.
This friend knew her friend didn’t like parties and was working hard to put her life together after a series of mistakes from her past.
This friend however had been asked by her boyfriend to bring her friends to this party because it would be dry without babes.
She was caught between leaving her friend alone to make her plans for the holiday season or bringing her to the party so that her boyfriend would not be disappointed in her.
After days of persuasion, her friend agreed.
They went to the party on the 24th of December.
The lady’s friend said she remembered getting to the venue, dancing, eating, drinking, and then feeling a bit tipsy and going off to one room to sleep.
When she woke up she was back in her apartment all alone. This was on the 25th of December.
Yesterday, her friend came to visit her and started talking about her exploits at the party with pictures and videos taken on her friend’s phone.
She made a big fool of herself, danced for the guests practically naked, and then slept with one or more than one of them (She wasn’t sure)
She couldn’t believe her friend didn’t protect her, stopped her from whatever madness she was doing, and took her home or at least pretended not to be there and not be the one shooting her video.
Her friend said she was outside under the canopy with her boyfriend when someone came to call her, telling her that her friend was drunk and misbehaving. She rushed in and found her doing whatever she was doing, tried to reason with her but her friend told her to shut up and leave her alone.
So, she went to sit down and decided she would record whatever it was that her friend was doing and show it to her later as evidence of her bad behaviour.
I have seen such cases before several times.
Friends setting friends up to be raped, friends luring friends to ritualist dens. Fiends posing as friends.
Friends with insecurity issues.
Insecure people usually see themselves in a certain light that makes them want to drag the people they see as better than them or as their competition through the mud just so they can feel better.
Insecure people are also quite envious and full of jealousy, they can easily be cajoled to do things just to get the validation of others.
The friend who took her friend to this party was in my opinion not a friend, she was just pretending to be one.
The friend who went to the party too was not very observant or wise.
The least you should do in your life is learn how to listen to your instincts and not become part of someone else’s agenda.
If you don’t feel like going out, stay indoors. If you feel like going out, go out! Why would I want to do something and someone will convince me against my better instinct to do something else just to please them? Was that not peer pressure? There is a certain age you get to that you develop a mind of your own and stop falling for that nonsense, especially when you are closer to thirty than fifteen.
And with all the life experiences you have had beforehand, you really shouldn’t be unkind to yourself.
I am happy she didn’t end up dead or in a pit somewhere.
The drink at the party was spiked and the video didn’t present her as drunk in a way that she couldn’t make the right decision. She was one of those few ones who when they get drunk, switch to another character completely and wouldn’t even believe what they are capable of.
I believe her friend knew this or had seen her in action before and set her up to use her to entertain her boyfriend’s friends for clout. Only a “friend” can do this to another friend. This is what makes it hurt the most.
You had a lot of emotional and social stock to invest, handed it to this particular person in trust and the person finds it so easy to burn that stock without a second thought.
When both friends narrated their stories, both were claiming to be victims. The one who took the video claimed she did everything she could to dissuade her friend but her friend was so far gone and wouldn’t listen to reason. She said she took pictures and videos so that she would use them to exonerate herself in case her friend accused her of the very thing she was being accused of later.
The video however didn’t show her friend trying to dissuade her or warn the guys taking turns to “have fun” with her that she was drunk or high on drugs and should be left alone. The video showed guys laughing, spraying her dollars (To Encourage her) and she in turn stripped shamelessly and then proceeded to do lap dances before an orgy ensued.
It was what she had done for years before she decided to turn a new leaf and she had turned a new leaf for almost two years before her friend, whom she met in church and told her story decided to make her bring out that tiger once more.
If you see the video, you will never believe this lady didn’t know what she was doing. It is her word against the words of her friend.
She couldn’t go to the police or anyone for redress.
She wrote to me asking for help.
I listened to her after reading her story.
I listened to her friend too and I realized something had broken in her that needed urgent help to heal.
People are going t hrough a lot.
The first man didn’t rape the lady but he abused a position of trust and should never have slept with that young woman.
It was not rape but it was a shameful act that should be widely condemned. This was why I was happy that he was dragged on social media to the point where he and his wife had to do videos apologizing and promising never to misbehave again.
The second lady was raped but how do you prove that? How do you heal from a friend’s dagger in your back? You turn to the Lord.
You go to him with the burden and the pain.
You turn to Him with your wounds and sores.
You cry and ask him to heal you.
You forgive the rapist(s) and yourself.
You forgive the one who sold you to be slaughtered.
You let go of the hurt and the pain.
It will take a few days but you will be whole again.
Then you take a few lessons from your experience and become a better version of yourself going forward Job 14: 7-9 “For there is hope for a tree, If it is cut down, that it will sprout again, And that its tender shoots will not cease. 8 Though its root may grow old in the earth, and its stump may die in the ground, 9 Yet at the scent of water it will bud And bring forth branches like a plant.
PS: If you ever find yourself in a position where you have to stand for what is proper versus what is convenient, you must always choose what is proper when there are other people’s interests involved.
When it is only your interest that is involved, you can consider the pros and cons of other factors before making your decisions.
Doing the proper thing does not mean being right. Doing the convenient thing does not mean being wrong.
But when you have the interest of others to protect, you must do the proper thing.
Like enforcing the will of a dead man or woman, you must do the proper thing even if it is not convenient.