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Taming the Nomad

May 19, 2021

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In her opinion, he was too childish when
they met
He was 28
She was 26
He was working with a publishing firm
She was a lawyer
He was extremely intelligent
She was intelligent
She knew he had potentials but he
was content to play happy go lucky
with his life
She got more out of life at 22 than he
was getting at 28
He was making a poor salary, most of
his earnings were based on commissions
and the job takes him all over the country
like a vagabond
He was part of the team setting up the
book fairs and exhibitions and school ‘
tours
For the pittance, he was being paid,
she felt he was doing way too much
She told him about it
He just laughed it off, like a child
She knew they were taking advantage
of him
She was sure that with his skills and
the intelligence he could do better
Way better…but he didn’t see what she
was seeing
All he wanted to do with her was take
her to tourist sites, climb mountains
and dive into caves
He liked being on the move, like a nomadic
herdsman
She realized that was the reason he didn’t
quit the silly job he was doing
It was the thrill of the adventure, going to
new places
Feeling like the proverbial Mr. Ajala that
traveled all over the world
She wondered if he would ever grow up
If he would ever grow out of the puerile
impetus to jump on the next moving thing
and zoom off into unknown territories
Even when he was home, the moment
they plan to see, he was thinking of taking
her somewhere
It was as if he would die if he stood still
for a while
She met him at the bank
She was a marketer
He came to her to help him in setting up
his company’s bank account
He had registered the company and she
felt he was quite ambitious
When they were done with the account
opening, they continued to engage each
other socially until they became an item
She saw the hard work but there was no
money to show for it
He was able to pay his rent and he had
some electronic gadgets but he had almost
no savings
He took her to his mother’s 60th birthday
The occasion was a delight
Somehow during the party, his mother
pulled her aside and said “If you want to
marry him, you have to domesticate him.
He is adventurous and still sees himself
as a bachelor, if you can persuade him
to see you as his future, he will settle
down”
The counsel was apt
It was a struggle she had been seeking
expression for in her heart
He was barely around to relate with and
they would say they were in a “relationship”
Communication was reduced to phone
calls and text messages
When he was around and she got him to
stay at home, he would always come up
with one mischievous game or the other
They played Truth or Dare
They played “lose the game and lose
your clothes”
They play a game and whoever loses
takes off an item of clothing or quits (
She always quitted after her first loss)
They would play hide and seek
He loves to play that constant game
where he would want to touch her
and she would have to hold his hands
while they negotiate a truce
He was jovial, playful, childish, and full
of pranks
She once went to his flat and he stuffed
her bag with rubber snakes
He was a delight to play teenager with
but that was not what she was looking
for at 26
She wanted to get married
She had completed her masters and
landed a good job by the age of 24
The next thing on her agenda was “marriage”
He was the only man who had indicated some
interest
He wanted to get married to her too but
she couldn’t marry him as he was at that
time
A lot of things had to change
He used to tell her stories of his previous
relationship
He had broken up with the lady but the
lady had done a number on him in many
ways
One of the stuff he liked to do was tap
her on the backside whenever they were
climbing the stairs or whenever she
walked past him while he was watching
the TV
She liked it but she felt it was rude
They talked about such things in her
office and men had to be trained to keep
their hands to themselves
He told her it was just a bit of fun
She told him it was insensitive and stupid
He stopped it
She told him she was not interested in
his fun games too
She told him to grow up
He resigned from his thankless job and
got a better job working with a public
relations firm
He scored so well in the diagonal thinking
assessment test that three PR companies
offered him a job
He studied Integrated Marketing System
and adapted quite well
Within a year of meeting him, she had
taken away all his toys, games, and
adventures
He had become a proper adult
He read newspapers and books and
they watched movies together once in
a while
He proposed and she said yes
They got married and settled down to
family life
It was supposed to be a win but she
found herself confronted by a gulf
Something was missing
Their relationship had somehow evolved
into more of a big sister and younger
brother sort of thing
He deferred to her in everything and did
as he was told
She saw the problem early and was
seriously concerned
She had rubbished his way of life and
threatened to leave him if he did not
grow up or man up
He had begged her and did everything
she demanded of him
That was how the marriage happened
She was afraid she could undo the
good she had done by encouraging him
to become slightly playful and less
serious with her
She felt their relationship lacked those
little things that help a marriage to
blossom and thrive
She felt he would snap out of it, mellow
down, reveal his true nature over time
It didn’t happen
By the time the marriage was five years
old, they were practically strangers
Two people who are in a marriage with
nothing in common but their child and
their rent
They talk but not as friends
He said whatever was needed and so
did she
He provided and she supported
They made a lot of progress but
everything was on the surface
His mother and siblings were all behind
her, supporting her and loving her to bits
He loved her too his own way but there
was nothing romantic between them
When their marriage clocked ten years,
she felt they needed a fresh spark
She bought games and books and
asked if they could start playing again
He just looked at her and shook his head
like she had lost her mind
She tried talking to
him, establishing a rapport
It didn’t work out
He would return home from the office
at 9 pm every day
He would shower and go to bed
If she came into his room to share a
word or two, he would nod his head
and sleep
It was as if she does not exist in his
heart
There would be no
exchange of text and messages
between them all-day
He wouldn’t call or chat with her
On weekends when she tried to have
some conversation with him, he would
show little or no interest
It was not what she bargained for
Indifference was always worse than
hate
She told him one day that she was not
happy in the marriage
He looked at her and said “I don’t
understand. I have always done
whatever you asked of me.
I have given you everything you
asked for.
How are you not happy?”
He was technically right but they had
drifted apart
How could he not see that?
She said “I will like you to be yourself,
you know, saying the things you want
and being yourself around me
When I look at you now, I see a stranger
that I helped create
You are no longer yourself
All the things I see here in this house
are my idea
The TV, the fridge, the cars everything.
It’s like being lost in my own wonderland.
I feel like I have married myself and I
cannot find you in my world the way I
should
Please forgive me if I have somehow
dominated you and subdued you
It’s just that, this marriage no longer
feels like a marriage to me
I am sorry”
He didn’t say anything
She was sure he didn’t understand
Two months later, he resigned from his job
She asked him why
He said “He did the job to please her and
saw no need to continue doing it since it
no longer made her happy”
She was concerned but she held her
peace
He started his tourism company
He had built a healthy network while he
was with the Public Relations firm
He went into business with a beauty
pageant company and things began
to work out
He started traveling again
It made things even worse for their
marriage
She never wanted an
absentee husband
While he was doing the previous job,
he was at home physically but there
was no relationship between them
His new job meant he wouldn’t be
home physically
She said no
She wanted to build her home, not be
a single mother
He told her she should have left him be
He said “I was the only one changing in
the relationship, you have always remained
the same
Mention something that you changed
in the course of the last ten years?
I cannot remember one but everything
you met in my own life was gone
I was your puppet and i endured it
So how come you’re miserable?
Playing God turned out not to be so
pleasurable after all”
He felt they shouldn’t have married
each other
While in the marriage they were both
miserable but he was coping because
he felt he was making her and their
daughter happy
When she told him she was not happy,
he felt there was no point in keeping
up the charade
That was it!
They got separated in 2016
They got divorced in 2018
She met the brother in Jeans and
T-shirt in 2019 and told him her story
She told him she and her ex-husband
were still good friends
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt met
the two of them and they discussed
how things could work
He told them they were not so different
Her husband needed a friend
She needed a lover
They could both fulfill each other’s heart
desire with wisdom
They began to meet every Sunday
They would talk, watch a movie, or
play games with friends
She got to know him all over again
They remarried in April, 2021

PS: Meeting Jesus and getting to know
the Holy Spirit restored this home
The husband is living his dream and
the wife is satisfied in her new home
You have to be willing to work on that
union
Dont insist on having your way when
you can shift ground
Love was supposed to change those
in it naturally
When change is forced, it is called
manipulation
Always remember that you can never
mold a man or woman in your image
and prosper from the originality of
such
Love is a coming together, not a taking
over

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