Doing Better

April 19, 2021


Something happened a few minutes
ago that was very puzzling
I went to see a family friend
The family friend is a pastor with three
boys aged 9, 7 and 5
The pastor’s next-door neighbour was
going out
He came to greet the pastor and asked
if his children can stay with the pastor’s
family for some time while he ran an errand
The pastor invited his wife to the
sitting room
The man repeated his request
The pastor’s wife said “Okay”
Three girls trooped in, aged 9, 6 and 3
All the children started watching TV
I and the Pastor moved to the dining
The house was a 3 bedroom flat
After a few minutes, the six-year-old girl
came to meet us at the dining and said
“Sir, XYZ (the pastor’s 6-year-old son) is
touching my sister’s private part
The pastor jumped up and ran to the
children’s room, a few seconds later he
emerged with his son and the 9-year-old
He asked the 9-year-old girl what happened
She said “I wanted to ease myself, so I
went to the bathroom and XYZ came to
open the door”
The pastor said, “Where did he touch you?”
The girl said “He didn’t touch me, I told
him he cannot come to the bathroom
with me because i am a girl and he left
I closed the door and came out on my
own, that was when you came to call
us sir”
The pastor said okay
He said all the children should move to
the sitting room where he can see them
After a few minutes, his wife emerged
from her room
The pastor reported what happened to
his wife
His wife said “M’ogbe, M’ogbe, M’ogbe,
(I am in trouble) This is what they will
start saying about my boys o”
She called the XYZ in that tone African
mothers use
The boy answered
She said “Follow me”
The boy started crying as if he was
going to die
The Pastor told his wife to take it easy
and narrated what the 9-year-old girl
who was supposed to have been touched
The Pastor’s wife said “Have you ever
seen where a boy is believed over a girl?”
She turned to her son and barked like
thunder “I say Follow me”
The boy began to shake and shiver
The six-year-old girl said “He didn’t
touch her”
The pastor said “What?”
The six-year-old girl said “He didn’t
actually touch her, we were playing
tag and he wanted to hide, that was
when he opened the door to the
bathroom. I came to call you
because boys are not meant to open
the door when girls are peeing.”
The pastor said, “But you said he
touched your sister?”
“No, he didn’t!” She replied
The pastor’s wife called the 9-year-old
girl and asked her what happened
The 9 year old said “I have already said it
I wanted to pee and he opened the door
I told him he is a boy and boys cannot
be with a girl while she was peeing
“Were you guys playing tag?
The pastor’s wife asked her
She said “Yes, we were playing tag
before I went to the bathroom to pee”
I turned to the boy and said “What
The boy said “We were playing tag and
she went to hide in the bathroom, so I
chased her there”
(He was not aware that she was peeing,
he thought they were still playing tag
and the 9-year-old was hiding in the
The pastor’s wife told the 9-year-old
girl to explain what
happened to his sister very clearly in
front of everybody
She said she didn’t want her to tell her
parents that the boy touched her older
sister inappropriately because once it
is said, no amount of PR can change it.
She said she didn’t want her son to be
marked for life.
The pastor’s wife said she wouldn’t have
allowed the girls to stay with them if
their father spoke with her directly
She said she is a teacher and she
knows that the male children are an
endangered species
“Only one accusation from any girl can
bring them down at any time! I don’t
want drama in my life”
Those were her words
It broke my heart as a parent
I have sons and daughters
I do not want any gender feeling
Boys are not evil
Girls are not evil
Labeling a gender is not helpful in
any way
We all need to do better

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