Love letter to Abba 30/07/2021
This is long overdue, to pour out my heart to you in the way only you can understand. I do not yet know if this will be a very long letter of so much love from me to you or if it is going to be in a series as you keep awing me with more of your love each day. What I do know is that my heart is full and bursting with a fountain spreading its water through many streams. This is one of them. So I just want to flow.
Speaking of floating, your love is just like that, like I do not need wings to fly because I and the wind are one. It seems like I am lightheaded, lighthearted and birthing light at the same time. These are the words that come to my heart as I write this but they are not enough to describe all that I am feeling. Sometimes it is like the rushing of many waters, coming down a waterfall and sometimes It is as gentle as streams singing along with the rhythm of the birds.
My earliest memory of loving you, I knew that I did love you but I was not sure how much. Now, it feels like the more I love you is the more I love. You open me up, and show me the capacity. I am amazed at the depth but that is what you do for You, are in me.
Today, I realized what panting after you is really like, I had always wondered what the psalmist meant when he said “as the deer pants after water so my soul longs after you”. When I loved you before, I didn’t understand what that really meant, or what I really wanted, omode lo se mi, I was really a child who had no idea. It was a constant back and forth of connection and disconnection with truckloads of ignorance. Having rediscovered you and learning all that you are, I started to panic that I might mess things up one more time, so I got anxious. I woke this morning with my heart beating fast, and at just that moment, I knew I had really fallen hard in love with you and it scared me that you might leave. Then you told me, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (it is at this same instant that my heart smiled first then leapt for joy).
It has been overflowing ever since, such heights in joy and celebration, such depths in peace and tranquil understanding. I can never be confused about the love you have for me. Of that I am more sure than of my very own existence. I can see your heart in all that you have made. How beautiful and how alluring it is. Thank you Abba for the many things you are teaching me and how you are lovingly guiding me through. This love is true and it is never ending.
From your favorite child