Changing Faces

April 29, 2022


What most married folks tell the
world and what is really going
on in their lives and marriages
are usually two different things.
You will see a man singing
the praise of his wife to the
high heavens in front of friends
and family during her birthday
while lamenting to his best friend
and close family members about
the level of unhappiness and pain,
he is going through.
We all know this and
must not play the ostrich when
we hear that a couple is splitting
up or that a partner is cheating
or suffering through domestic abuse
and other ills. We all strive to
present a smiling face to the public
regardless of whatever it is we
are going through within the four
walls of our homes. This is
not a Nigerian thing or a Christian
thing, it is universal.

The popular defamation trial of two
Nollywood stars currently ongoing
attests to it. All of us are guilty
of smiling to the camera even when
what we really feel like doing
is crying and running for the door.

A young lady wrote to me recently,
she got married at 22. Her husband
was 35 at the time and everybody
expected him to be very mature in
his dealings with her. It turned out
he was one of those “you’re
spying on me”, “Your parents are
trying to bewitch me”kind of husband.
His paranoia crippled the relationship.
This lady ran home to her mother,
complaining about the verbal and
emotional abuse she was going through.
Her mother sent her back to her
husband, asking her to endure it
(Isn’t that the message we all
get from parents, pastors, relatives,
and loved ones?). Then she got
pregnant and everybody said
“She will settle down now and adapt”.

The abuse didn’t stop and the
pain in her heart deepened and
yet she took Pictures with her
husband when she had her baby
and wrote a love note stating how
loving and caring her husband is
on Facebook.
This is what is expected of married
Keeping a unified front and covering
each other’s faults.
We all do it and we cannot
in good conscience quote this
lady’s flowery write-up against her
now that she is seriously
contemplating divorce.

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted,
while some thrive in it others wilt
and either. A young man wrote a
beautiful birthday message for his
wife during her birthday calling her
Good and meaningful in his life.
Twenty-four hours later, he withdrew
the children from school and relocated
with them to Thailand. Weeks before
that he had published the obituary
of his wife in a newspaper all in
a bid to get visa for himself and
the children. He claimed he was
a widower.

I sat with this lady the day
after she discovered her husband and
three children had disappeared.
How do you think such a lady
would feel? She almost ran mad.
Her husband claimed she was a witch
and he had evidence of her witchcraft
on tape. This lady would cook
and eat the food alone (while
the children watched) whenever her
husband didn’t give her enough
for family upkeep. She was working
as a marketer for a Korean franchise
and she was making a lot of money
yet, she never supported her husband
throughout the ten years
of their marriage. Her husband left
video recordings on a flash with a
note telling her the marriage is
over and that she was dead to him.

I saw the video and I must
admit this woman was a terrible wife
and mother. Why didn’t the husband
write all these on the social media
before taking the steps he took?
On their Instagram pages, they had
lovely pictures that would convince
anyone that they were the happiest
couple in the world. If you really
want to know the state of anybody’s
marriage please don’t check their
status on social media, talk to
their close friends and relatives.

Not all men are the heroes
their wives paint them to be and
not all women are the pillars of
support their husbands paint them
to be. There is a reality within
a home that is not open to
the public. We must not lose
sight of this.

I once worked with a man
who was an incurable skirt chaser
I was his PA. His wife would
call me to track his movement
because he wouldn’t pick her call
and she knew he had side chicks
all over the world. Their house
was a war zone because the
wife refused to take his antics
lying low and yet when they go
to events or a church programme.
They would take pictures with the
brightest smiles money can buy.
They will take pictures holding on
to each other like a python
swallowing its prey but it was all
for show. This is the real face
of life and human reality.

It is the reason none of us
can claim that we are honest and
pure the way God is based on
our own conducts. The fact that
we are all good at keeping
these public and private faces and
Insist it is normal is proof enough
that we don’t know how to be
honest in the true sense of it.
This is why nobody is Holy or
righteous outside of The faith which
Christ imputed in us when we gave
our lives to him. Our only hope
of redemption is Christ and outside
of Him, there is no hope.

There is none that is righteous,
no not one. When we come
on social media and start commenting
on social issues we all expose and
condemn Ourselves. We are in
no way better than the ones whose
lives we place on a pedestal and
judge so unwisely

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