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BREATHLESS

May 13, 2021

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He leaves me breathless, the way
he blows my mind
When he kisses me, my heart pumps,
I forget I’m a Christian sister
I just want more.
He’s all I want, I’ve found In him
what my heart longs for
All the years that have gone by
Is he the compensation?
Is he the one God told me about?
I really can’t hear anything yet;
So I have an idea!
If I have to let him go (when God
eventually speaks);
Before I let him go, I should have him.
I should let him teach me,
I should let him spoil me,
I should let him touch me.
He makes me feel 15 years wiser,
Says I make him feel 20 years
younger.
If everything he says and is, is true,
Then his “ex” wife must have been a
hell of a foolish woman!
Wait a moment, they aren’t even fully
divorced yet,
He only tells me they’re in the process
Honestly, I don’t care about the details
I don’t want to.
All I know is that they’re both decided,
Irreconcilable difference!
Oh God, is this adultery and fornication
at the same time?
Well… They don’t live together, the
children are with the wife.
I want to know more, yet I don’t!
I want to be with him, but I’m so scared!
It feels so
right but I can sniff something wrong.
I want to get away, but I’m so trapped!
If I could walk away, I would have,
The very first moment he tried to
hug me.
I didn’t let him, I won’t let any man
hug me, being staunch.
Oh, now I remember how it all went
wrong.
I inadvertently gave
him a chance to blow me away.
It was a Sunday afternoon, there
was nothing to fear or worry,
We were to go to a public place to
have lunch
Nothing would happen, I was
too sure.
Picked me after church
He only wanted a chance to talk
about his past marriage,
And properly ask me out
I knew the answer in my head,
The NO was swimming afloat,
Waiting for the perfect time to
plunge in.
I said NO out of my head, a big,
bold, assertive NO,
I’m not sure what happened in
my heart,
It was genuinely concerned,
Genuinely worried and sorry.
How can such an angelic man
go through all that with his wife?
The 2 hearts connected, in the car,
half-way home on the drop-off ride,
Then the 2 heads met, for the most
passionate kiss I had ever enjoyed
I couldn’t stop.
He suggested Sheraton, I refused,
he suggested his home,
For comfort at least, he said
he’ll stop wherever I wanted him to.
I wouldn’t, I’m a child of God!
I finished my 9pm prayer in the ride
as I was going to be dropped off
And right there, I started to grind ‘
on him with my clothes on
I let him touch me in the deepest
parts ‘cause I enjoyed it.
I couldn’t explain what I was feeling.
He was tender and my caramel body
jelled to his rhythm.
Was I responding to starvation, or
deprivation;
Or was there truly an irresistible
chemistry, one made from heaven?
I waited two extra months to
understand that question.
He stills leaves me breathless
but I think he’s not Mr. Right
He still blows my mind beyond
competition
It makes it more complicated.
Walking away is always in the plan,
but never in the action
How could I ever want to hurt a
good guy, the best I’ve met?
One who has shown me the sweetest
kind of love?
My mentor, my friend and adopted dad?
Why should I let him cry when all he
has given me are smiles?
I love him, I want him, I miss him at
the thought of living him…
The god I saw from afar has now
made me his idol!
It’s the way he stoops that blows
my mind
It’s the way he cooks
that melts my heart
It’s the way he looks that spins my
head
I have really wanted this for a long time…
Craved it for the long term
But I know that the only mistake he
ever made was that he got married
15 years earlier than he should have!
Wait a minute?
Did I just make out
With him on the couch?
Was that me?
Oh my God?
I have been speaking in tongues
all day
Hoping my prayers would do for me
what I ought to do but the flesh
won’t allow
Why has his bird built a nest in my head?
How do I escape this feeling I am
feeling inside
I want him
Shame on me!
Yes I want him
I want to run, yet I stand still
How did Joseph do it?
Potiphar’s wife must be a tad ugly
My man is handsome, patient, kind,
loving and generous
Wait!
Did I just call him my “man”?
I am lost
How do I get out of this quagmire?
What do I do?
I love him!
I love him so
So I reached out to my teacher
The brother in Jeans and T-shirt
I said “The whirlwind of love is blowing
your daughter away
He said be calm
Make the following confession
every night
The love will die without a trace
Your husband is just a corner away
This “love” is a distraction
I did as he said as I looked into
the mirror
I said “Body, you were forged for glory,
you will not love shame
Mind, you are fearfully and wonderfully
made
You will not be an Esau
Heart, you are a symbol of Christ in the
midst of His church, you will not love
the forbidden!
Ayah!!
It worked
I saw him that evening and there was
a distance
It was just there
He didn’t see it but I did
His touch no longer had electricity
He touched me and I felt mildly
irritated
He read my mood and dropped me
close to my house
He said I was a bit distracted
That was it!
The
Gulf grew larger and larger
Within a week, I was no longer pinning
I asked myself where all the feverish
feelings and sudden tears went
This was a man I sent a text calling
things off and I still sneaked to his
office to kiss and hug
My body obeyed the Word of God in
my mouth!

PS: I have heard the saying “The body
wants what it wants”
It is often said by fools who throw
their bodies into all sorts of situations
in the name of sensual satisfaction
Their griefs are endless and their
lives in shambles in no time
The body can be told what to want
and what not to want
Man shall not live by bread alone
and yes, by sex or sexual urges
alone
If she makes you tingle or you make
her tangle, if it is a wrong relationship
It can never be meant to be
Jesus did not fulfill his destiny by
yielding to his feelings
He said “Not my will, Father, but yours”
As believers, we yield to the will of
God as revealed to us through the
Holy Spirit
The flesh profits nothing!

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