Athaliah

In her opinion, his mother was the
one who ruined their marriage
It became clearer and clearer as she
made the decision to leave the
marriage
The manipulative nature of his mother
at every turn
It was too much to bear
He was the third of four sons
They met at the high court
He was a staff of the state government
She was a lawyer
She was handling a land dispute case
There was a document she needed
from his office (He was with Lands
department at the time)
She got to his office early on a Tuesday
morning
He didn’t arrive at work until 10AM
By the time he arrived, she was already
seething
He strolled in lackadaisically
She expressed her displeasure at
being kept waiting
He apologized and explained to her
that he had boil at a sensitive spot
and couldn’t walk very well
It was the first time she saw a civil
servant apologizing
They usually work at their own pace
and wouldn’t care whose ox was gored
She got the document
The next day, she went to the office
to drop an ointment for him
The ointment was very effective for
boils
She had it at home and felt it would
benefit him
That was how they became friends
She had a lot of cases involving land
dispute and became a regular at his
office
One thing led to another and they
started going out
What she noticed while they were
going out was the constant phone
calls he exchanged with his mother
She couldn’t complain because her
mother called her often too
The problem was the content of the
discussion
His mother was controlling to a fault
They might have plans to go somewhere
together, then his mother will call and
instruct him to go and get something
done for her
That would be the end of their plan
She eventually met his mother six
months after they started dating
He had proposed and she had said
Yes
They were at that meet my people
stage
It was during that visitation that she
ought to have called off the engagement
All the signs were there
The way his mother talked and how
all her children were first loyal to her
than to their families
(The first two sons were married at
the time)
Their mother was the center of their
universe
She convinced herself that she could
cope
She didnt this after hours of pondering
through the events of that day
His mother made it clear that the wives
were outsiders and her loyalty lies with
her children at all times
It was evident in the way his mother
talked
It bothered her a lot
They got married six months later
She got pregnant and her mother
immediately sent one of her house helps
to their house to help her out
She felt it was a nice gesture until
she started suspecting a certain
kind of familiarity between her husband
and the house help
A week after she started feeling unsettled
about the house maid, she employed an
house maid of her home and sent the one
his mother sent to them parking
She delivered the baby
They had the naming ceremony
Suddenly the last son of his mother
who was based in the USA started a
building project and her husband’s
mother mandated her husband to
be the one overseeing the project
This means her husband traveled out
of Lagos to their town every Friday
to return on Sunday
The project went on for a whole year
When the project was completed,
they picked a date for the house
warming
The owner of the house was returning
from the USA to attend the occasion
She and her one year old baby had
to be there
They arrived on a Friday, the house
was abuzz with activities
She showered and slept at about
10pm
Her husband joined her at about
midnight
When it was 2AM, she woke up to
ease herself and her husband was
not beside her
It was not unusual, especially as
they were in his parent’s house
but she sensed something was
amiss
She followed her nose to the
sitting room
She saw her husband and that
housegirl
The one his mother sent over to
their house earlier, having sex on
sofa
It was too shocking
Of course, she raised hell
His mother, his siblings and others
woke up and saw the scene as it
was
His mother berated him and so did
his brothers
As far as she was concerned, the
marriage was dead
She couldn’t see beyond the betrayal
The next day, they got to the house
warming ceremony
His mother called her aside and told
her to forgive and forget the whole
issue
She gave her a receipt for two plots
of land that she had bought for her
husband
She told her she was giving her the
land as a form of compensation
She believed his mother
She made up with her husband and
they returned to Lagos
Her husband’s younger brother
(The one that built the house) also
returned to Lagos with them
He already had a job and was
setting up his apartment
Her husband spent almost every
weekend with him
About a month after the house
warming incident, her husband
left home on a Friday stating that
he was going to his brother’s
house
He called her later that night
explaining that his car wont start
and he would have to spend the
night with his brother
Early the next morning, she drove
down to his brother’s house to
play the good wife
When she got there, the person she
saw in the kitchen washing plates
was the same house help that she
caught her husband sleeping with
She didn’t bother knocking
She walked back to her car and
drove home
She knew her husband had slept
with the lady all night
She was sure of it
When she got home she packed all
her bags and left
She just couldn’t cope anymore
She moved to a hotel that day
She left a note for her husband
congratulating him on banging
the maid in his brother’s house
all night while she was worried
about the car that wouldn’t
start
Her husband sent her a message
claiming his mother sent the
housemaid to help her brother
out with some things and all
he was asked to do was pick
the maid up at the motor park
Her husband said the maid’s
bus broke down on the way
and she didn’t arrive until way
past midnight
He explained that he told her
his car was bad because he
didn’t know how to tell her
that he was picking up the
maid without rubbing her the
wrong way
He swore that he didn’t do
anything untoward with the
housemaid
He sounded very convincing
She believed him and returned
home
The next day, his mother was
waiting by their door when she
returned home from the office
His mother and the maid
Her husband had started his
Masters and had gone for his
lecture from the office
She let them in
His mother said “I didn’t know
you had returned from your
sabatical. I was told you left
this house, claiming you were
no longer interested in the
marriage. As soon as I heard, i
jumped in the car and brought
your replacement.
No woman can hold any of my
sons to ransom, you will either
comply or be replaced
If you’re tired of the marriage
please go and if my son gets
tired of you tomorrow, he will
walk away
You have no guarantees here
You cannot become an idol in
this house
You left the house and my sons
were fretting
Phone calls were flying everywhere
Who do you think you are?
Maria Makeba or Marilyn Munroe
The earlier you leave, the better
because as far as I am concerned
you are no longer a wife in this
house”
She couldn’t hold back the tears
She was shaking all over
In all her life, she had never been
so maliciously spoken to by anyone
She didn’t know how else to respond
She went to her room, picked her
unpacked bag and her son
His mother and the maid watched
as she left
She could swear that they were
happy
She got into a Uber and returned
to the same hotel
She sent her husband a message
telling him what had happened and
asking him to meet her at the
hotel so that they can talk
She knew his mother would have
called him and given him her
version of events too
She waited and waited
Her husband didn’t show up
She knew it was a choice between
her and his mother and the
choice he made was clear
He didn’t call too, he only sent
a message to her saying “If what
happened between you and my
mother was a test, would you
score yourself an A or an F?”
She stayed in the hotel for two
nights just to be sure he wouldn’t
change his mind
On the third day, she returned to
her parent’s house
It was after she got to her parent’s
house and began to think clearly
that she realis]zed that his mother
had been engineering the failure
of her marriage from day one
What she couldn’t explain was
why
Her parents sent for her husband
asking for a meeting
Her husband came around
Her father asked him what happened
He said he had no idea
When he was told what his mother
did, he said her parents would have
to invite his mother for a meeting
so that she can explain whatever
she was being accused of
As far as he was concerned, he
went to work only to return home
to meet the absence of his wife
He said didn’t fight her or send her
packing and she is free to return
whenever she wanted
When her parents asked if a meeting
with his mother could be arranged
Her husband said “Respectfully sir,
do you think i honoured your invitation
to be here today so that you can
drag my mother through the mud?”
Her parents had no response to his
question
He left
Her parents called her and assured
her that whatever she chose to do
she would have their blessing
She could have gone back to him
but she didn’t think she could ever
respect or relate with his mother
the right way ever again
She took her time, hoping something
would change
After about six months, her husband
sent her a message that if she
does not come back, he would have
no choice but to initiate divorce
proceedings
She reached out to the Brother in
Jeans and T-shirt
What do you counsel that i do sir?
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt
met with her and her husband
He told them to start going out
and doing things together again
He told them they should learn
how to be a couple again
He counseled both of them not
to inform members of their
family of the development
They did this for six months
She got pregnant in the process
When his mother heard, his
mother was very angry
His mother cut him off as a form
of punishment saying that by
doing what he did without her
consent, he had chosen whose
side he wanted to be on
His wife moved back home
She said for the first time, she got
her husband’s undivided attention
and they were able to make great
progress as a family
She delivered a baby girl on
the 20th of March 2021!

PS: Managing parental influence
in a marriage is very important
The owner of the parent should
curb or control his or her parent
willingly and not allow the bile
to spill to their partners
Parents are naturally biased and
as such their counsel must be
weighed carefully
If you have overbearing parents
you must protect your marriage
from them at all cost otherwise
please, don’t get married
Your parents do not have a duty
to help you berate, control or
discipline your partner
Parents must be kept within a
very reasonable boundary
Remember that whatever they do
will affect your spouse and
ultimately affect your marriage
You must leave to cleave
it must be a clean break otherwise
it wouldn’t really be a marriage
May the Lord restore all the
homes that parental influence had
destroyed in Jesus name. Amen