A Day to Unlive

May 16, 2022


I wrote a story once titled
The drum and the drumstick
It was creative and very expressive
Many people loved it. It was a
poetic expression of love and passion.
I wrote it after reading through the
songs of Solomon.
This lady read it and came
into my DM. She wrote her own
version of it or should I call
it a response.
What she wrote
was beautiful and we became friends,
DM friends. I had never met
her but she introduced herself
and told me so much about her.
Her mother was a banker.
Her relationships don’t work out and
I sensed she was very lonely and
desired a relationship.

I was MARRIED and I told her so
Perhaps I should have blocked her
but I didn’t. I still wouldn’t
if I met her today.
I attract all sorts and I know
the power of the gospel
This was seven years ago.

This lady would write to me daily
My DM became a journal of sorts
to her. I never responded to her
messages in like manner
I’d read and say “Good for you”
“Well done”
“That thought is not really of God”etc
One day she called me out
of the blue on WhatsApp
It was a video Call.
It was at about 9:30 in the
morning. I was at the office
getting some work done.
As soon as I picked the call
I noticed she was totally naked
I cut the call immediately.
She laughed at me.
She said “What is it, why
are you acting like a puritan?”
Perhaps I should have said “Dont
do that again or You’re a destiny
destroyer in human clothing”
I didn’t.
I said I was at work and
such a call is totally against
my office policy (I was working
as a PA to a Pastor at this
season of my life). I admit it
could be seen as tacit encouragement.
I didn’t say don’t do
that ever again.
I hid behind my “work”

She apologized but the conversation
went south from that point.
She started telling me about her
sex life and escapades.
From her first boyfriend to the last one
and everything that went down
(She wrote all this to me in
the DM). Again, I didn’t respond in kind.
I read and gave cryptic responses like
She would tease me
Call me a puritan and say “I know
you have a lot to learn”
I sense you’re sexually inhibited or
sometimes she’d say You’re
not as expressive as I expected
based on the article you wrote
that brought me to your DM.

I’d say something like “I am
not that kind of guy, I don’t
jump on everything in skirt or
something close to that”
One day she took it a step further,
told me she was feeling like
having sex and had been restless for
a few days. She asked if I could
come and see her or if she
should come around. I ignored her
and blocked her at that point.

Let me say that it wasn’t because
I was HOLY or Uninterested. I did
that because I hated being chased
by a woman. I have always hated
being the hunted. It is not a
religious thing. I am very aware
that subtle control is a thing and
I don’t like being in the cross hairs
of someone who had an agenda with
me on the list.

Communication stopped for about a month.
I had even started forgetting
about her when I got to the office
one day and I was told someone was waiting
to see me at the reception.
It was this lady. I welcomed her with
a hug and invited her into the office
from the reception. She came in
and said she was going for an interior
decoration gig and decided to stop
by at my office
I said “Oh”
She said “Yeah”
I said “Will you like to eat?
She said yes.
I took her to a restaurant close
to my office
We sat down.
We talked and she had a meal.
I was fasting that day, so I didn’t
eat anything. The discussion was flat.
After about an hour, she said
she’d like to leave. I drove her
to the nearest bus stop and she
left with a goodbye. I got back
to the office around noon. I didn’t
send a message or unblock her.

She came back the following week
Again, she got to my office at
about 9am. I came in a few minutes
later. We got into my office.
I wanted to ask her if all
was well. She said “What did I do
wrong? Don’t you like me or want
to be with me? I said
“I don’t understand”
She said “I thought you’d declare
your love the last time you saw me”
I said “It would have been a lie.
There was no love left to declare
She said “You’re very controlling and
I find that to be very manipulative.
How can someone like you be a pastor?
You’re a user and too unemotional
to care about anybody. I came
to give you a piece of my mind.
You took advantage of me and my
vulnerability and you’re acting
all pious.
May God judge and punish you”

I didn’t know what to say at
that point. So I kept quiet
Then she said “I will expose you,
you cannot be doing this to people
and claim to be a man of God.
Jesus was moved with compassion!
Even if I was the devil, I mean,
didn’t Jesus sleep with Mary Magdalene?
Or didn’t you read about that in your
You should have shown some emotion or
even pretend that you care!
Then she stormed out of
my office. I made a mistake
at this point. I can’t explain what I
was thinking lucidly at this moment.

I felt she was going to the
social media to write stuff about me
and drag me. So I went to my
twitter DM and copied all her messages.
I saved them in my Gmail as evidence.
I wanted the world to know I didn’t do
anything to solicit or encourage her.
I was mounting a defense.
She didn’t do anything like that.
and I didn’t hear from her again
till today but my wife saw the
messages in my Gmail and got alarmed.
I had to answer tough questions and
if you know how it feels to defend an
allegation that makes you feel like
a culprit when you’re not one,
you’d understand my plight.

It is all water under the bridge
at the moment. I always remember
this episode and Sigh
Being a “Man of God” requires so
much more than caring for the world
and thinking you can bring salvation
to everybody. This lady was a member
of a religious sect that is non-christian
and I assumed she would change
if I kept close enough but not too close.
It backfired!

I am not saying I did everything
right in my dealings with her.
I daresay that I could have been
the one with a proper dragging with
pictorial receipts on the Internet
if I didn’t close that video chat
she initiated that fateful day
If I had been at home, perhaps
I’d entertain the call and be in
dire trouble. A lot of things made it
impossible for me to dig myself
into a hole that I couldn’t get
out of.

I am not defending myself or anyone
here. I am saying that conversation
can snowball into something else if
we don’t pay attention. The world
will feed on evidence and generate any
context they like to ridicule anyone
they dislike.
The conversation provides the context.
What led to what?

A man looking at a naked woman
could get an erection, he may
even post the picture as evidence
to her to urge her on the path
she was taking!
It doesn’t make him evil or invalidate
his call. He made a mistake and
we all do. His title notwithstanding,
He is a man!
The lesson learnt from this will
only make him stronger as he would
never repeat this mistake again
in his life.

If there is a day one can
choose to unlive…
• • •


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