A Binding Cord

As much as possible, i beg you,
before you marry into any family
be sure you want to marry into
the family
Be convinced
Dont marry into a family you hate
or do not understand properly
because you love their son or
their daughter
Dont tear the family apart for
your selfish reasons
While we were undergraduates,
my brother started going out
with a lady.
She was a believer, quiet, and
very reserved.
They met each other while they
were in 100 level.
I joined the same school a year later
and I realized something quite odd
about my brother and this lady.
When i walk into the cafeteria and
see them together, my brother would
hesitate before coming over to say
hello to me.
His babe’s body language would
immediately change.
I was the older brother but I was in
100 level at the time and they were in
200 level, she found it difficult to
greet me
We rarely exchanged a word of greeting
She would just look away or uninterested
whenever our paths crossed
I didn’t see it as anything at the time
That year during the long holiday, she
came home with my brother to spend
some time with my family
She stayed in a room
throughout
My brother would take food to her and
stay with her in that room
She wouldn’t join anything we did as
a family
I and my brother were the only boys
in the family
We were very close but her presence
killed the closeness
On Christmas day, while we were
eating and making merry
She and my brother didn’t join us
They said they were fasting
My mother got worried and called
me into her room
She said “Is there something I am
not doing right? Is your brother’s
intended crossed with me in any way?
Was the food we made not good
enough?”
I told my mother
it was nothing of that sort
The lady was the only daughter of
a widow
She grew up with only her brother
and mother as her family and they
had accused her late father’s family
of being behind his death, so they
kept away from the family.
The lady was just not used to
large family stuff
My mother was placated
I was in a relationship at the time too
but my mother did not approve of
the lady was dating for some reason
So I was practically dating the lady
in defiance
We resumed school and I met my
brother’s babe at the cafeteria one
day, she was with one of her friends
As soon as I came into the cafeteria
she turned away from me as if we
were not practically sleeping under
the same roof a few days before
that day
When I saw my brother, I asked him
if I had offended his babe in any way
He said I shouldn’t bother myself
about it
That’s her nature
I shrugged and left it
The next holiday mt brother went to
Akure to meet with her mother and
brother
It felt as if they were getting pretty
serious about getting married
My younger sister called me and said
“Your mummy is not happy, let me
just tell you that, you do not call her
regularly from school like before.
I started laughing.
I never had a good calling culture and
everyone knew that.
So why would my mother make an
issue of that.
My sister said “I am not talking about y
ou, I am talking about your brother!”
My brother was the social one
The one that will engage the public
and laugh with everyone
I was the shy one, the loner
It seemed my mother had practically
been neglected by both of us
One day my brother came to my
room out of the blue just as they
were resuming their final year
He said he is breaking it off
I asked why
He said his babe said she couldn’t
cope with the problem of family
members and would like them to
buy a farm far away and live in the
farm all alone
My brother (owns a farm now) had
always said he would own a farm and
all after graduating but he never said
it would be at Kahalahari desert!
He said he had tried to show her that
our family is warm and welcoming
and all but she still didn’t loosen up
He said he was dying in silence
because he was not being himself
while he was with her
He had to ignore his friends and
pretend he was fine lurking in the
shadows when he would have
preferred to be out there doing
his thing
A week later, they broke up
After they had ended it, my brother
started coming to my room more
and we got much closer (He was
already in the final year and I was
in 300 level)
When I met the Holy Spirit on
September 17, 2007 he was the one
I went to for explanations about many
things
We still minister together today
He is happily married and so am I
The two families spend a lot of good
time together
It was what my mother and any
other mother would pray for
That their children would bond and
have a lot in common and be bound
in the cord of sincere love
A family divided is of no use to society
and we shouldn’t have to encourage
dysfunctionality as the new norm
If you marry into a family, please don’t
tear the family apart! Do your best to
encourage bonding and togetherness
Thank you