20 years and a breakfast

I went to the Polytechnic Ibadan,
in 2002. I went to see a lady
I was dating. When I got to
the school, I realized she was still
in class and I needed somewhere
to rest. There was this palm wine
shrine just opposite the school’s
main gate. I went there to wait.
I was a smoker at this season
of my old life. I also drank a
little but I never could hold alcohol
so I drank quite sparingly.
My girlfriend was 20 years old at
the time and I was 22. I was an
undergraduate at the University of
Ibadan and I was the one largely
responsible for her education.

The day I met her she was
holding a novel, Kummersdorf Connection
and I had stacks of novels at home.
We began to exchange novels and
I asked her what school she was
attending. She said she was learning
to be a tailor because her parents
couldn’t afford to send her to school.
I felt she deserved to have an
education, so I bought her the
prelim form for the polytechnic
and I helped her out with her WAEC.
One year later, she had gotten the
admission.
I rented a room for her, furnished it
and we took this picture together
that she placed in her
room as evidence of our love.

The fund I was using for all
these came from my daddy, he was
In the USA and I started padding
my budget so that I can comfortably
accommodate this lady.
Her parents knew about our
relationship and everybody knew we
were together.
I had an Achilles heel though,
at the time all my friends
used to make fun of me; I didn’t
know how to double date. For me
it was always one person at a
time. It didn’t make me a good
person or a bad person because
if I could I would gladly but
I just couldn’t. It wasn’t out
of respect or fear of God, I just
can’t.

So this fateful day, as I sat
in the shrine waiting for my palm
wine and cigarettes, a guy walked in
He was over six feet tall.
When he walked in, his face
lit up in recognition but instead
Of greeting me and introducing himself
(Usually such a person will come
to me and say “Did you attend
so and so school or do you
live in so and so area? or
Your face looks very familiar…
This guy avoided my gaze and walked
straight to the other room where
the palm wine was being mixed
with whatever (Some like it with
gin, others even lace theirs with
hard stuff)

A few minutes later, I got my
order and drank away my thirst.
Few minutes after drinking, I started
throwing up and well, I began
to cough out blood from the
nose and mouth. The next thing
I knew I was in serious pain
and I collapsed.
I didn’t remember being rushed to
the hospital in Oke Eruwa.
I woke up in that hospital bed
ten days later. I was on drip
and drifting in and out of
consciousness.
One time I drifted awake (My eyes
were still closed) and I saw my
girlfriend and her friends standing
around my bed. My girlfriend went
to see the doctor and her friends
started whispering…
“But we told her to leave
that guy or tell this guy it
is over. It is that guy that
poisoned the palm wine, he told her
yesterday that he had warned her
not to bring his boyfriend to Eruwa
because the campus was his turf…
I slept off and woke up hours
later. The doctors told me I had
been poisoned and would have died
if not for the grace of God.
I was discharged a few days later.
I didn’t even remember the conversation
I overheard, I was just grateful.

I came to her school a day before my
examinations in UI because she
needed some money. Normally, we
communicated through letter writing
and I would have sent money
to her through some of the bus
drivers from Ibadan but I felt
I could risk taking the money
to her myself and returning to Ibadan
that same day. After I was discharged
I went to her room, I saw
our picture on the wall and
I remembered the conversation.
I was too weak to act
on the issue, I slept off.
Later that night, it was raining
I woke up and she was nowhere
to be found. After a few minutes,
she came in. I said, “You are
cheating on me, and the guy
poisoned me, right?”
She kept quiet.

I started to cry.
Then she said “Yes, I didn’t
know it would ever come to that”
I am not proud of what I
did next, but I slapped her
I didn’t even know where the
strength came from.
It was rage, pure rage.
The rain was also a problem,
it’s noise was so heavy that I
knew nobody would hear us screaming.
She said she was sorry.
I said “You have ruined my life,
I missed all my exams and
I could have died”.

She said “She cheated with another
guy by mistake and since she knew
I was going to find out one
way or the other, she started
shopping for a replacement that
would help her through school
and all.
It was a lose-lose situation
for me. If I injure her out of
anger or kill her, my life would
be ruined. If they hadn’t rushed
me to the hospital on time,
I would have died. There was
no win, no victory lap.
I cried all night, packed my
bag by 5 AM and left her school.

I was sick for several days after
getting home but I got better
and went on to live my life
to the full. I had to write
JAMB again, gain admission in 2004
and start afresh but I always
remember how close I was to
destroying my life because of rage!
It kept ringing in my ears that
she could have died when I
slapped her.
Thank God she didn’t.
Thank God I was able to
leave that life behind totally when
I met the Lord in 2007.
I am sharing this because I
got messages in my DM from
guys saying it is difficult to invest
in a lady and then let her
go without a fight. One guy
even said “a friend of his
suggested pouring acid on a
girl he spent
so much on who simply took
advantage of him to meet someone
else and all his investment was
dashed.

I am begging you to walk away,
you will make more money if you
don’t succumb to that pain.
You will live a glorious life
if you can walk away and put the
unfortunate incident behind you.

In 2011, I met a guy somewhere
in Lagos. He was a scrabble prodigy
and we got playing. During the
game, I said “You play like
a friend of mine” He said who?
I mentioned the lady’s name
(I taught her how to play
scrabble while we were dating and
there were some words that I usually
combine as hooks that this guy was
playing)
The guy said “She is my wife,
the mother of my two daughters”
It was the same lady.
She had settled down and
gotten married with children.
I was just one year in marriage
at the time. From every indication,
she is a good wife and her
husband loves her very much.
Imagine that I gave in to that
rage and manhandled her seriously
like I was tempted to.
Would I be able
to sit with her husband and play
like friends? Would she be able
to have daughters at all?
Would I be alive or free to
see my children birthed and raised
under my roof in peace and safety?

Couples reading this must remember
that causing each other bodily harm
or emotionally hurting each other
does add any value to our lives
or relationship. We will just keep
getting back at each other while
distrust, resentment, and hatred
would fester. Please walk away.

I met a guy when I went
to minister in Kirikiri who fed
his wife sniper and killed her
for cheating on him.
Two lives, wasted.
It is my prayer that those
hurting from abuse in relationships
would heal and wean themselves
off their abusers.
It is my prayer that you will
summon the strength to walk away
instead of trying to get even
regardless of how much pain you’re
feeling.
Your future is bright.

-GSW-